1. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied.
‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.
‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’
‘That’s right.’
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

2. I was checking out at the supermarket with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’
I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’
She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

3. A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy.’

4. Several years ago, there was an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?’ ‘Just use paper from the photocopier’, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies.
{remember this is a person who wants to be a doctor!!! scary huh??}

5. Recently there was a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
‘Do you need some help?’ she was asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’
‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys over.
As the keys were taken and the door was manually unlocked, it was suggested she you drive over there and check about the batteries, given she was obviously so damned tired!!
{no, she was not blonde, but the brunette colour did suggest false intelligence I’m thinking}

Life is tough but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!
Oh yes.
They walk among us, so be afraid.
Be very, very afraid!

In the middle we have a couple of images that had me spitting coffee over my laptop screen.


A joke about the most maligned little boy in the world.
Little Johhny!
Little Johnny came home one day and said to his mother:
“Mum! Peter next door has a penis like a peanut”
Mum replies:
“You mean shaped like a peanut?”
“No, it’s salty”
Finally, some insults for when the human race is pissing you up the wall.
1. I’m glad you’re short. It gives me less to complain about.
2. You don’t have a mother: Two dads and a chemistry set don’t count.
3. You’re so stupid, you’d asked for a price check at the $1.00 store.
4. Q. Have you ever seen a jackass wrapped in plastic?
A. Show me your license.
5. If I needed any shit from you I’d squeeze your head.
6. I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my arse!
Don’t forget to go visit my fellow makers of chaos and malarky, and always remember.
We’re laughing at you, not with you.
Have a great week peoples.

The obligatory funnies are next.

These final ones are for those people who think Christmas holds nothing but crap, cos neither of these are crap, trust me!