OrganiSed Chaos

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
You go along, day after day, doing the best you can and making the most of what you have.
I have no desire to know the future be it good, bad or otherwise, but there are a few little snippets I would have been happy to know about, before they happened.
So I could have been prepared, if you know what I mean?
Here are a few of them.
Grey pubic hairs!
FFS, the cultural shock of finding one is an experience I would have been more than happy to pass on!
After 45 no matter how hard you try not to, you are going to put on weight.
Ok, it may not be a lot, but it’s still there!
Begone you foul beast!!! If you keep this up, my arse will need a post code all of it’s own!!
Your tolerance level for arse hats, fuck wits and morons hits lower than rock bottom.
Whilst some see this as a good thing, there are others, like me, who already had a low tolerance level for the aforementioned species of people, so I’m a little concerned about the results should it go any lower!
Whilst controlling my bladder has never been an issue for me, it seems in the last few years it’s capacity has lessened.
What other explanation is there for the 2 trips to the loo throughout the night, even when I don’t drink anything in the 2 hours before I retire?
Getting out of a comfortable lounge chair becomes a challenge as big as scaling a freaking mountain.
It seems as if every bone in your body is protesting at the monumental request you’ve made, and it’s not letting you know about said protest in a non confrontational manner.
The need to have lists for everything from shopping to what you need to do on any particular day.
I’m dreading the night I feel the need to put a note next to my bed in order to be reminded I have to go to work in the morning.
Nightmare scenario that one is!!
These are merely a few of the things my late 40’s and early 50’s have bought quite unexpectedly.
There are many, many more, but I though it only polite to leave some for others who are brave enough to let us know their little unexpected surprises as they move towards being older.
Please note I said older, NOT old!
Your turn….

ETA: When I called one of the applicants to advise they weren’t successful with their application, the first words he said were “Why the fuck not!!??”

Explains a lot about the person doesn’t it??

At work we currently have a vacancy.
It’s not the worst job in the place.
Yes, it’s hot, dirty and physical, but it pays a reasonable wage, plus penalty rates.
Now given the nature of the job, we don’t need a brain surgeon, just someone prepared to work hard and have some semblance of common sense.
Not too hard to fill the position you would think?
Hmmm….my thoughts exactly.
Apparently it’s not quite that simple.
I appreciate the economy here in NQ is a little slow, and there are many out of work, but I certainly didn’t think I would need to wade through 86 applications, however we do what we need to do.
Here are a few little hints and tips for aspiring applicants.
If your email says please find my resume attached, then attach it! I know there could be times when you did attach it and something may have gone wrong, but let me assure you, when I call you to ask if you could resend in order for you to have as good a chance as the next person, it’s not in your best interests to suggest I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to reading an email.
Strike 1!
If you apply for a job, you could perhaps forgive the person receiving said application, assuming you actually want the job.
When the person making the decision regarding who gets an interview rings to suggest a mutually acceptable time for that interview, it does not go down well to start the conversation by rattling off the times you can and can’t make it because of your social life.
I know it’s Christmas, but if you’re unemployed and want that to change, it’s in your interest to fit in with me, not the other way around.
If you’re not prepared to make an effort to get to an interview, you would perhaps forgive me for being concerned about the effort you would make to not only get to work, but actually do your job once you got there.
Strike 2!
The best is yet to come though, my friends.
This is the best piece of advise I can give you when applying for any job.
DO NOT address the person receiving your application as “Hey you”
My name was on the advert, use it dickwad!
I got not one word further than those 2 words on your cover letter, because your application hit the recycle bin with a resounding thud the minute I saw the words in question.
Strike 3, you’re out!
WTF were these 3 dicks thinking when they did the above mentioned things?
Clearly they weren’t thinking at all.
Maybe applicants should think about this?
For every job advertised, there are at least 50 people who apply, giving employers quite a good choice.
Yes, I need to fill the position, but I don’t need you when there are people smart enough to know how to speak to, and act, towards a prospective employer.

There is nothing worse than spotting a suspicious looking mark on someone’s butt as they’re walking in front of you!
No matter how hard you try, you simply cannot take your eyes away!
It’s impossible!
As horrified as you are, still you watch as it rolls and moves with their arse, all while the person in question is blissfully unaware of your scrutiny.
If you’re anything like me, you would fully understand the temptation to tap them on the shoulder and say “Do you know you have skiddies???”, if for nothing but your own amusement!
The entire situation is made worse when said suspicious spot is on an arse the size of a small third world country!
Then it seems to take on a life of it’s own, jiggling and jumping all over the place, almost taunting you.
I mean hell, it has so much room to move, it’s almost like it stretches itself out!
The absolute nightmare scenario here is when the spot looks like a wet one!
OMFG, the horrific thoughts that enter my head??
Thoughts that struggle to stay in my head and not come out of my mouth!!
Do me a favour if you would?
For the love of pete, check your arse before you leave the house?
You just never know when I may be behind you!!

I’m not much into dramatics.
Not seriously anyway.
Yeah, I can do the whole “over the top” shit, but it’s very tongue in cheek.
I don’t get drama queens, be they male or females.
What is it about drama that so many people almost aspire to be embroiled in the middle of whatever the perceived “drama” is?
There are many I know who actually look for it, and when they find it, revel in it!
WTF is with that?
Why would you try to surround yourself with that type of shit?
I don’t get it.
Can someone enlighten me?
Please?
Help me understand why some want to turn something small into an event bigger than the cast of Ben fucking Hur, then go on, and on, and on, and on about it?

Surely it’s easier to shrug and get on with life?

Can
.
.
.
hardly
.
.
.
type
.
.
.
nearly
.
.
.
unconscious
.
.
.
Christmas
.
.
.
decorations
.
.
.
in
.
.
.
local
.
.
.
shopping
.
.
.
centre
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.
.
***faints clean away***

There are some people in this world need to get a life.

Do they have so little to be worried about that they can make something of this?

Apparently, once you’ve been a kids performer, you’re not allowed to act the same as any other consensual adult and do with your life, what you will.

When you do have the audacity to try doing just that, the morality police stick their 2c worth in.

This has been discussed from one end of Australia to another today.

My opinion?

Go for it girl!

If I had a body like that I’d be flaunting it to all and sundry on the front of a magazine too, make no mistake.

In closing, I do have a question though.

What the hell would kids who like Hi 5 be doing reading a fucking magazine like Ralph anyway?

I repeat, some people need to get a life.

Quickly!