OrganiSed Chaos » periodic dribble

Nowhere to go

anonymum — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 11:42:56 +0000

I decided to go over to the shopping centre across the road to get lunch today.
It’s end of month and getting out of the madness that generally prevails is good for the mind and the soul I find, plus the exercise is good for me, right?
Win, win situation for me.
Off I go.
Across the main road, down into the car park of the centre.
I get to the entry doors and just going in are 3 little old ladies, and they’re not moving fast.
One has a walker as well.
These dear old souls are spread out just enough so as there is not chance in hell of getting around them, as is normally the case.
Never mind, I’m not in a hurry, I can wait.
Behind me is the a man of the same vintage and walking at about the same snails pace the women are.
So.
In we all go.
Not fast mind you, but in all the same.
Enter the instrument of my downfall.
The escalator, travelator, moving walkway, whatever you want to call it.
It goes from the car park up into the shopping centre itself.
The 3 little old ducks get on, me behind them, the little old man behind me.
The lady with the walker stands to the left, the others to the right, so there’s no way I’m getting around them there either, so once again I decide it’s fine, no hurry.
I’ll wait.
Now, there is little room between them and me, and not a lot between me and the guy behind me as well.
It’s a wee bit squishy, and I feel a little like a sheep in a crush, but meh! I can live with it.
We’re getting close to the top and I’m looking around, just day dreaming, as you do.
We get to the top.
The woman in front of me steps off the escalator.
And stops!!
Picture this if you will.
Me, trying to go backwards on a forward travelling escalator, a little old man behind me wanting to get off and getting closer by the second and granny in front of me is just standing there gazing around like she has nowhere to go at all.
She did not move one fricking inch.
Suddenly, I have grandpa getting closer by the second because he can’t go backwards either, he has someone behind him, so he ends up pushing against me, and I in turn run into the little old lady in front of me!
Until now I’m still reasonably calm, but when this woman turns around and says to me:
“Don’t push me young lady!!!”?
I lost it!
By this time I have what seems to be a 95 year old man almost climbing up my back, and let me say, he tried to cop a feel while he was there, so my humor wasn’t the best by now!!
My response went something like this:
“This is a moving thing we’re on lady! Just because you get to the top and get off, regardless of your lard arse being off, it ain’t fucking stopping lady, so maybe if you fucking moved out of the way so others could get off, I wouldn’t be having my arse felt up by grandpa fucking gripe behind me and I wouldn’t have fucking pushed you, so move your butt you silly old bat, because I have nowhere to go other than off this thing and you’re blocking the exit!!!”
You would never guess I have the utmost respect for old people now would you???
Before you say it, yes, I do know I’m going to hell on the express bus!

Sometimes I wonder

anonymum — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:08:52 +0000

What is life about?
Why are we here?
Is there something after we lose consciousness for the last time?
Why must people make things more complicated than they need to be?
How do pedophiles sleep at night?
What the hell is in suicide bombers heads?
If I had my time over, what, if anything, would I change?
What do babies really think when people goo and gaa at them?
What makes old people think being old, gives them the right to be rude and obnoxious?
Why does my body clock insist on waking me before 6.00am on the weekends?
What drives us to be the best we can?
Given the amount of people in the world, what were the odds of not only finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but having them feel the same way?
Which is better, burial or cremation?
Why can’t the world learn to get along despite having different views on how to do things?
Why do good people always have less than they deserve, and slime have everything?
With a head that goes from one thing to another in this manner, is it any wonder I have trouble falling asleep at night?

the sky is falling…

anonymum — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 05:30:03 +0000

The sky has started to fall apparently, so if this keeps up we’ll all be feeling like Chicken Little…then again, given that is was green, maybe the aliens have simply decided they need a new sewerage dump??

Look out!!!

the cheeseburger…

anonymum — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 09:51:31 +0000

Anonypop and I went out on Saturday night. We rarely venture out after dark, more because we can’t be bothered than for any other reason.
Anyhow, Zoe was having our inherited granddaughter at home for a sleep over and a footy final was on so he decides we’ll go to the local club to watch it on the big screen so he’s not having to watch around the girls. Fair call says I, so off we go.
He’s watching footy, I’m playing the pokies (not winning, but playing) Come the end of the night (closing time, 1.00am, footy has been over for hours, but beer was still being served) Poppy has had COPIOUS amounts of alcohol, I’m the designated driver. Now i shit you not, following is the conversation in the car on the way home (you need to slur a bit as you’re reading this, every time it says HE)
He: You hungry
Me: Not really
He: Let’s shtop at chew and spew (Maccas)
Me: You hungry?
He: No, i jush want to get 4 double beef and bacon burgers
Me: For someone that’s not hungry that’s a shit load of burgers darl!
He: 1 for me and 3 for Jake (Jake’s the fucking dog!!)
Me: Say what???
He: He’ll be hungry he’sh not been fed
Me:What in the name of all that’s holy makes you think Kelly wouldn’t have fed the dog?
He: She might have forgotten!
Me: You know she won’t have forgotten, why don’t you just admit you’re hungry??
He: I’m not…well, maybe a little bit
Me: Ok, we’ll stop.
(Get to chew and spew, line is out of the damned car park, the only thing open is the drive through)
He: FUCK THAT!!!
Me: Ok, home then?
He: No!! The local all nighter will be open, we’ll get him a cheeseburger there!!
Me: If you think I’m stopping at the bloody shop to get the damned dog a frozen fucking cheeseburger and going home and putting in the microwave at 1 o’clock in the morning, you’re wrong darl!!!
He: YOU’RE A BAD MOTHER!!!
Me: (trying not to run off the road) A bad MOTHER??
He: He LIKESH cheeseburgers!!!!
Me: I am NOT stopping!!
He: Fine, when I get home I’m telling him you don’t love him asmush as I do. I WANTED to shtop and YOU wouldn’t let me!!!
Me: Goodo darl (as I sail past the local shop, around the corner and into the driveway)
He gets (read almost falls) out, opens the gate, the dog arrives.
He: Your mother wouldn’t stop Jake! I wanted to, SHE wouldn’t (whilst almost on his hands and knees at the dogs level and in his most indignant, aggrieved tone, you can almost hear him down the damed block) I REALLY REALLY wanted to and SHE wouldn’t…SHE’S A BAD MOTHER!!!!
Me: (through the open window) Can you and the prodigal bloody dog move so i can get in the damned carport???
He: (moving out of the way) SHE wouldn’t shtop Jake!!! it wash HER!!! Not me!!!
(Put car in carport, lock it up, and go inside, shaking head.)
He: (still almost on hands and knees at the dogs level) It’s ok mate, I’LL give you something to eat.
With that he goes inside, and as god is my witness, COOKS and gives the damned dog crumpets with melted cheese on top!!
Did I get a cup of tea? Did I get a crumpet with cheese on top? Nope. The WHOLE time he’s cooking the dogs bloody supper he’s muttering “Bad mother she is Jake! Wouldn’t shtop and get you a cheeseburger!!” (Was STILL muttering as we got into bed)
And people wonder why I blog!!!! (at least oz won the footy i guess, so that was ONE win for the night)
(still love you sweetie) :-)

new toy…

anonymum — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 23:40:16 +0000

We’ve got a new toy and I’m MOST excited!!!
A-pop and I have been without a PC at home since we got to Townsville and until recently haven’t particularly missed it. We’d been throwing the idea around for some time but hadn’t really made a decision. There was suggestions of laptops, what type, how big, all the normal discussions, then there was a thought about a desktop, again, what type, how big, however we hadn’t gotten around to DOING anything about actually buying one, or even going and having a look for that matter! We were all talk and that was as far as it had progressed.
Enter Kelly, laptop in back pack. Got the net happening (wireless even, bonus!), happily wandering around the net, looking, looking, more talk of buying computer and not doing anything about it, still looking, looking……and then came that 4 lettered word. BLOG Now I HAD to have one!!!
Mel knew we had been looking to buy a computer, so mentioned they were going to sell one of theirs as she and her boyfriend now have 2 since they moved in together, and would we like first option? How much, says I? Including a virtually brand new desk, she gave me a price I readily agreed to!
Thus it was that we went and collected it last night after doing the pretzel thing and handing over the agreed amount. A-pop was recruited to bring it in out of the car and do the electrical type things needed and Kel, being the clever little vegemite she is, had us running, networked and connected to the net within an hour of being home!! I’m told at some point today she will be “tweaking” and cleaning up all sorts of things we don’t need that are on it. Before I even went to bed last night we already had Firefox and most of the required extensions, email has been set up, Gmail has been diverted to Thunderbird and I’m assured any other extensions/add ons needed will be in place in next to no time….my head is STILL bloody spinning over the speed at which these things have been accomplished!!
So there you have it, our new toy!! A-pop I think, is almost resigned to seeing the back of my head for lengthy periods of time on weekends and evenings until the novelty wears off, however he has promised the extra length of cable we need will be in his bag when he comes home tonight, and my next ambition is to introduce him to the delights of stumbling!!! I think he’s gonna enjoy that…Kel will be pleased to have her laptop back and not see me shoot over to it every time she lifts her bum from the seat and whilst there have been no complaints on her behalf I just feel better…
p.s This is my 50th post!!! 50!!! And here was me saying “what the hell do I want a blog for??? i wouldn’t have the first clue about what to put on a blog” Moral of the story? Never underestimate the shit you can drag from your head :razz:

i can feel it…

anonymum — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 05:32:01 +0000

I can feel SOMETHING coming on, but i’m not sure what…it could be a rant, it could be soppy, it could be a giggle, it could just be gas…..but i can feel something…and before anyone says ANYTHING, no i’m not pregnant, and i don’t have the flu…

wanna stand in?

anonymum — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 11:14:59 +0000

i don’t want to go to work tommorrow so i’m looking for someone to go for me…this is the time to be counted people..

identity crisis…

anonymum — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 05:56:32 +0000

Anonypop sent me this via email…thank you sweetie..

I’ll have to find a replacement for the “fog blodder” he’s been sending once he starts his own wont i?? :-)

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink a young woman came and sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and said “Are you a real cowboy?” He replied “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring horses & calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy” She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I watch TV I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think about women”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked “Are you a real cowboy?” He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian”

who proof read this???

anonymum — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 04:33:58 +0000

I want to know who proof read this article…whoever it was didn’t think too hard about the statement made in the second paragraph. Given the nature of the story you would think someone may have thought to change the wording???
Unless it’s a strange way of saying they were “fornicating” as they so quaintly put it further on in the story, (if indeed that’s what it refers to…)

Hot spot

It’s a shocker :shock:

intelligence plus….

anonymum — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:55:56 +0000

Click on the thumbnails for a better view of how this Einstein installed his new flat screen :-)