OrganiSed Chaos

Indeed, Monday has arrived at the speed of a startled gazelle, and it with comes the shenanigans we all know as Malarky Monday.
If you don’t know about our weekly mayhem, it’s the day when myself, Mark, ~m and DILLIGAF all band together in an effort to make you giggle, smile, bust your gut laughing, or if we’re extra lucky, spit coffee all over your monitor.
We’re big on trying to make people spit if the truth be known!

Onto the mayhem for this week, and let’s start with a visual shall we?
This had me giggling at the idiocy of those who name these ships.
Given it’s full of seAmen though, I’m not sure anyone took the advice the name suggests!!

Next in line is a little joke for you to snicker over
A very ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face, and
orders a Draft beer.
‘What are you so happy about?’, asks the Bartender.
‘Well, I’ll tell you,’ replies the ugly man.
As you know, I live by the railroad tracks.
On my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the films.
I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all Night, all over the house. We did everything! me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!’
‘Fantastic, you lucky bastard!’, exclaimed the Bartender.
‘Was she pretty?’
‘Dunno…Never found the head!’
Sick, I know, but hey, this is me after all!

Another visual, thank to the email I received for last weeks MM {thanks again WS, you’re a star hon! still think you should join us too BTW!!}
Just on this pic, there is another blogger who should get a giggle out of this given the habits of a duck known as Bubbles!! Bit of payback is always a good thing!

Finally this week, another visual for your snorting pleasure.
This also came in the aformentioned email from WS too, but I did already have it, so we can share the praise for this one WS.

Don’t forget to go visit my fellow mayhem makers either.
I know what they have this week, and there are some rip snorters!

Monday again, and with it comes our little attempt to tittilate and tempt you into spitting coffee all over your monitor.
Now, there’s a story behind this weeks MM.
On my part I mean.
I’ve been Facebooking most of weekend, and I was on a mission to get a few things done.
So I’m zooing, and cafeing, and I’m all over the place like a mad womans shit in the house, and planting things in the garden and, and, and, I’m sure you get the drift?
Enter Monday morning.
FUUUUUUUCK what am I going to do for MM????
Trawling, looking, trying to remember to breath.
I had a husband in a previous life that always used to say “The Lord will provide”
Well, as it transpires, he could have been right.
In my haste to find something for MM, I hadn’t opened my email.
When I did, what should I find?
Blog fodder!!!
LOTS of blog fodder.
Widdle Shamrock {God love her} had sent me an absolute blinder of an email, and I thank her deeply for saving my slack MM arse with said email.
With that in mind, I dedicate this weeks little offering to her, and suggest, gently, that if this is the calibre of what she has to offer, then maybe, just maybe, she would like to join us in our fun??

Anyhow, on with it, and when you’re done here, don’t forget to visit my cohorts in Mark, ~m and DILLIGAF.
There are only 3 of what i received here, because I may need them on another week {when I do slack arse that is!!!}

This first one is SO me! Particularly after the last couple of weeks on a Facebook application!
{if you want a better look, click the pics BTW}

Nothing like taking the piss out of people not fortunate enough to find love the traditional way

I can hear you now. “This is why I prefer cats”

It’s Australia day here today.
That day of the year when we celebrate living in this magnificent country of ours.
For the non Aussies among us, I give you some history on the day itself, so you have some idea of what I’m waffling about.
We have many, many reasons to be grateful in our country, and many have explained it far better than I ever can, so this is just to say:

AUSSIE
OI
AUSSIE
OI
AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!
OI OI OI!!!

Celebrate being Australian!
If you’re short of a quid, knock on the next door neighbours front door, cos he’s sure to have a few snags on the barbie, and will doubtlessly share them, whether he likes you or not.
It’s just the Australian way after all.
Have a fabulous day people.

Monday.
Again.
Already.
Hmmmm.
If that’s the case it’s time to laugh amid that hilarity know as Malarky Monday, when myself Mark, ~m and DILLIGAF conspire with the thought of your smile foremost in our minds.
Last week it was all about the links, this week it’s a reminder.
A reminder that they walk among us.
Who, I hear you ask?
Dicks of course.
Idiots, morons, wankers, and those who nothing more than just plain fricking stupid!
Check out this lot.
Makes a person wonder where the hell these people’s heads were.
I’m thinking up their arse, but I could be wrong.
I doubt it, because it’s more than possible I’m right, as I’m also sure you will agree once you read these.

1. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied.
‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.
‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’
‘That’s right.’
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

2. I was checking out at the supermarket with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’
I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’
She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

3. A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy.’

4. Several years ago, there was an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?’ ‘Just use paper from the photocopier’, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies.
{remember this is a person who wants to be a doctor!!! scary huh??}

5. Recently there was a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
‘Do you need some help?’ she was asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’
‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys over.
As the keys were taken and the door was manually unlocked, it was suggested she you drive over there and check about the batteries, given she was obviously so damned tired!!
{no, she was not blonde, but the brunette colour did suggest false intelligence I’m thinking}

Life is tough but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!
Oh yes.
They walk among us, so be afraid.
Be very, very afraid!

I’m sure most of you know the truth of what I’m about to say, but sometimes we all need a gentle reminder
Most people I know have children, including my own children.
As mine were growing up, there were times when I would look at them and wonder what planet they were from.
Some days I was convinced aliens had been during the night and replaced the sweet, loving people I knew existed, with the now strangely behaved, selfish, self absorbed creatures who greeted me at the breakfast table.
Creatures who seemingly had no idea how to speak the English language in any semblance of a civil tone, no tolerance for anyone or anything other than their friends and the mirror they spent 95% of their time peering into, and who could wither a full grown adult with a look that said so much more than any words in the dictionary.
I’m sure every person alive who has children can relate to the above??
There were times when I could cheerfully have given them away with a years food simply for the peace that was sure to ensue once they were gone.
We had days when noone understood them, because of course noone had been through what they were going through.
All adults had apparently made a huge quantam leap from being 10, bypassed our teens and magically emerged in our mid 20’s, thus clean missing all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager with it’s associated agonies that were {of course} being visited upon them, and only them.
Oh yes, we had our days, make no mistake.
I’m sure there were days when I was decidedly difficult to get along with as well {I say this before I have some daughters creating merry hell in my comments BTW!! }
Having said that, I’m sure now, as both adults and parents, they would realise there were underlying factors they were totally unaware of in the form of problems at work, financial worries and the constant pressure of trying to perform the juggling act that is part and parcel of being a working parent.
As I look back on those delightful times, one fact stands head and shoulders above all else.
The one thing that makes all else fade into insignificance.
The day comes when they just get it.
There is no way I can tell you when this will happen, but happen it does, that I can guarantee.
So, for those of you currently going through what could be considered a hard time with your children, regardless of their age, hang in there.
Sooner or later, a butterfly will merge from the chrysalis.
You will wake up one day and be in total awe of the amazing people your children have grown into.
They will be considerate, caring, selfless, thoughtful and you will gaze upon them with awe.
Your smile will become wider with each day that passes, and then the day will come when you know that regardless of any mistakes you made, no matter how bad things got, or how many arguments you had with them, these people are going to be the legacy you leave behind when you depart this mortal life.
They are your greatest accomplishment, without a doubt, and whilst they may give you grief for reasons known only to their teenage/early adult lives, it’s worth every bit of it.
Trust me, because I speak from first hand experience here.
Every time I look at any of my daughters, I am in 100% awe of the adults they have become and I’m enormously proud of the way they’ve handled whatever life has thrown at them.
The manner in which they have stepped up and the strength they have displayed whilst doing it.
Not only that, I love each and every one of them more than they will ever know.
The road has not been easy at times, but the rewards more than outweigh the alien phase I spoke of earlier.
My pride in these women of mine knows no bounds.
Has it been worth it?
Oh yes! It’s been more than worth it.

Every week Stumble Upon sends me an email with sites they recommend based on my likes and dislikes.
This morning I received the current weeks email from them, and included is a site that captured human ovulation on camera.
After going through my likes and dislikes, I see no indication of my interest in reproduction at all, let alone looking at the insides of some woman who had a camera stuck up, or in, her!
WTF???