OrganiSed Chaos » Insight

Sometimes I wonder

anonymum — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:08:52 +0000

What is life about?
Why are we here?
Is there something after we lose consciousness for the last time?
Why must people make things more complicated than they need to be?
How do pedophiles sleep at night?
What the hell is in suicide bombers heads?
If I had my time over, what, if anything, would I change?
What do babies really think when people goo and gaa at them?
What makes old people think being old, gives them the right to be rude and obnoxious?
Why does my body clock insist on waking me before 6.00am on the weekends?
What drives us to be the best we can?
Given the amount of people in the world, what were the odds of not only finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but having them feel the same way?
Which is better, burial or cremation?
Why can’t the world learn to get along despite having different views on how to do things?
Why do good people always have less than they deserve, and slime have everything?
With a head that goes from one thing to another in this manner, is it any wonder I have trouble falling asleep at night?

It’s been hard work

anonymum — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:16:36 +0000

Some 8 years ago, we decided we needed a sea change.
At the time we had no idea of where we wanted to go, but had enough trust in fate to know somewhere would present itself when the time was right.
The only thing we knew for sure was it needed to be near the water because we both love it so much.
That was the only set criteria we had.
A year or so after the decision was made, we came to Townsville in order to spend Christmas with 2 of the girls and one grandchild.
After less than 24 hours of being here, we knew.
This is it.
This was where we wanted to be.
It wasn’t only the tropical weather {although that played a big part} it was the more laid back life style, the beaches, just the general feel of the the place.
We felt comfortable, the price of living was reasonable, plus there was a small part of family here, so that was a bonus.
If we’d found somewhere that had no family and felt as comfortable, we would have moved there though.
That family were here was just a bonus.
One of us had to stay behind and keep earning a living while the other went forth to the unknown in order to get a job and establish some sort of base for us, so Mark packed some clothes, hired a car and set off for Queensland.
He stayed with the aforementioned family and set about doing just that.
It took a while, but he got one.
7 months later, I threw my high paying job in, he flew down and collected me and enough stuff to give us a start.
What we bought with us fitted into a 7 x 5 trailer, and it was the bare basics.
We had no intention of spending what money we had on removalists, so we sold, gave away or left behind what we thought we could do without.
Some we put into storage, but not a lot.
It took me 8 months to get a job.
8 long months where we made do with 5 parts of bugger all money, car payments and rent to pay, and still had a need to eat, buy petrol and cigarettes, all the things that go into life.
Since I got that first job, I’ve had another 3 jobs, and I’m into my 4th.
Mark has had just as many, if not more, and finally…finally, we’re back where we started 7 years ago, just before we left Sydney.
We have good, secure, well paying jobs, and in fact Mark has just gotten a promotion and a decent pay rise, I’m a manager in a job I love, and life is on an even keel.
I can assure you, it has not been easy for the last 7 years.
It’s been bloody hard work.
We’ve had to borrow money from our family, and at times, from our children.
There have been times when we’ve come close to separating because of the stress, we’ve fought and argued, and we’ve almost ripped each other apart.
Yet, we persisted, because it’s just what we do.
It’s life, it’s marriage and it was a choice we made, with our eyes wide open.
We wanted to do it.
Would I recommend doing this to anyone else?
Hell yes.
There has been the odd moment when I wondered about our intelligence I have to say, but would I do it all again?
In a heart beat!!!

Persistence

anonymum — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:43:07 +0000

There are times in everybody’s life, when life itself becomes too much.
The effort to get out of bed and face another day is a task bigger than Mt Everest.
Much is happening in our lives at the moment, and it’s neither good, nor rosy, and it’s not even comfortable.
Yet, in true human spirit, I persist, and continue to get out of bed, every single day.
Day.
After.
Day.
We do what we must in order to make something of our lives, just to survive, do we not?
I’ve had many hard knocks in my life, some worse than others obviously, but none of what I speak of were easy at the time.
Still, I survived.
It’s what we do.
Human nature, being what it is, ensures our survival instinct is the strongest of all, no matter how low our mood, or the events happening at any given point in time.
Our instinct to survive in the face of adversity or whatever troubles us, is so strong, it sustains us through any dark tunnel we find ourselves in, and more often than not, gives us a far better appreciation of the good times when we manage to find the sunshine.
In the absence of darkness, how does one see what the light has to offer?
The old adage of what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger is 150% accurate.
I’ve always needed to be strong, for many reasons and for many people, and ordinarily I bounce back quickly.
I just don’t stay down for long.
Not seriously anyway.
Resilience is a wonderful thing and stands me in good stead most of the time.
Having said that, the days when I need to make an effort are, seemingly, becoming more frequent.
Of late I find it difficult getting my head to a place where I can dismiss the crap as beatable {is that even a word??}
Maybe I’m getting old, or I’m simply tired of adversity and problems?
Perhaps I’m over having to be strong?
Most days it seems like 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
Yet, I persist.
It’s just what we do…..

I love, I hate, I’m over

anonymum — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:53:12 +0000

My head is noisy this week.
Crowded.
Cluttered.
Busy.
In an attempt to quieten my brain, I wondered if taking out the things I know and writing them down, would help to create order from chaos.
Hmmm…..
Nothing to lose, peace and quiet to gain.
Sounded good to me.
Here is the product of my little excercise.

I love
My family {always at the top of any list}
Close friends, near and far
Good food to share with both the above
Top shelf bourbon and coke
Warm balmy nights
Walking on the beach {preferably when it’s raining}
A clear starred filled night
Watching the sun rise in the sky, and light the day
Being in my 50’s
A damned good down in the gutter animal fuck {now and then}
Making love, gently and slowly

I hate
Ignorance
Arrogance
Indecision
Knob jockeys
People who don’t use indicators
Bad restaurant service

I’m over
Being tired
Working long hours
Waiting for July 14th
Auditors
Feeling homesick
Missing my girls and their kids
The child next door who never stops fucking crying

Will be back later to report the results

Solitude and silence

anonymum — Sat, 02 May 2009 07:10:31 +0000

There are people in the world who thrive on company.
They always need to have something happening, or people around them.
Their lives are structured around the company of others and feel as if they’re missing out if ever they’re not in the middle of something.
Anything.
Me, not so much.
I’m a person who is happy with their own company.
I don’t need people around me all the time, nor in fact do I want it.
I like being alone with the opportunity to read for hours on end, maybe blog, or just wander aimlessly around the net to see what’s on offer.
I enjoy not having to worry about anything.
The delight of being able to eat vegemite or tomato sauce on toast at 3.30am, should the fancy take me, appeals to me enormously.
Just because I can if for no other reason.
I love having my husband and or family around me, don’t get me wrong, but there are times when all I want is to be left alone, to my own devices.
To drink endless cups of tea while I’m engrossed in a page turning book.
Not have the need to be worried about what’s for dinner, and to merely pick at whatever the fridge is offering instead.
Bread with cheese, maybe a pickled onion or if I’m lucky, some tasty leftovers that can be thrown in the microwave.
Of late that’s where my head has been.
Life has been trying {read kicking my arse} for many reasons, and it’s an effort to face work day after day, knowing people will intrude on my thoughts or what I want to do as opposed to what I need to do.
I would much rather lose myself in a world of fiction or fantasy.
If I’m home alone, more times than not, there’s no television, no radio, just me and a book, or the comforting click of my keyboard as I type.
Even when I’m not troubled or pensive, I prefer silence to noise, nothing as opposed to something just for the sake of having it.
I love libraries where they have reading areas and you can just sit to look through whatever it is that takes your fancy, with no more than the sound of pages as they turn.
Some book stores have areas with a coffee shop attached.
It’s quiet with everyone involved in what they’re reading, and no need for any more than that.
I know these people are just like me.
The seek some quiet time away from all that ails them.
There is no need for polite conversation, merely a silent understanding of why we’re there, or the hint of a fleeting smile as you enter.
Yet still I feel the solitude I seek in places such as these, because those already there seek the same thing, and respect your need for it.
Solitude and silence.
I love them both, and I need more of it.

Restless dreams

anonymum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 10:59:54 +0000

In my dreams
Flames surround me
Worry abounds
Helpless
Wanting to help
Knowing I can’t
My head refuses
To stop
I demand obedience
Still it ignores

Restless dreams
They drive me mad
Silence disturbs me
Noise annoys me
Lost in my thoughts
So far away

Mushy brain

anonymum — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:55:13 +0000

This has been my week since Tuesday morning.

Up at 5.30
At my desk by 7.00
Stop at around 11.30, have a smoke and {my 5th} coffee
2.30 and my stomach reminds me insistently{read loudly} that woman cannot live on caffeine and learning only.
I eat…anything…so long as it’s ready to inhale {today it was cheezels!} washed down with {more} caffeine
Around the 6.30 point, the little receptors in my head remind me it’s been a while since they were fed nicotine, so a quick smoke is the go
8.30, maybe 8.45 I’m done!
Time to ~~drag my sorry arse~~ go home.
It’s currently 10.30 here, I’ve just finished swallowing a bowl of soup while I’m doing this, I’ll visit a few people, and it will be time for bed before 11.30 because then it’s only 6 hours till the alarm goes off again.
Mark asked me tonight if he could take a pic of me with his phone so he could take a quick look now and then to remind him what I look like! {with a smile on his face i’ll add}
Yeah. Life is crazy, and you know what?
I love it!

Speeding through life

anonymum — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 13:44:51 +0000

There are 2 speeds in life.
Stop and go.
I live life at a frantic pace.
I’m on the go from the minute my eyes open until I go to bed, and even then I have trouble dropping off to sleep because my mind refuses to stop.
This week has slowed me down a little, but not a lot.
I’ve been tired because work has been extra busy, with much to be done and learned, but it’s a satisfying tiredness is that makes sense?
I feel as if I’ve achieved something and can look back on it with a smile.
To me that’s the object of the excercise. To be able to feel as if i’ve done something worthwhile.
Someone commented today, that my energy exhausts them, which I took as a compliment and told them just that.
The person concerned thought I was a bit if a nutter, but that’s their problem not mine.
On any given night, you’ll generally find me here, on the internet.
Reading, trawling, stumbling, chatting, 16 maybe 17 browsers open looking for who knows what, but here all the same, and I always know what I wanted once I find it.
I may not have known that’s what I was looking for, but I always know once I find it, and that’s what counts.
This activity on the net is after work, dinner, going out, whatever it is the day has provided.
I’ll admit to not a lot of commenting this week, for which I’m hoping you’ll forgive me, but it’s difficult to think of something intelligent or witty to say after a day that started at 5.30, saw me at my desk at 7.00 and eating dinner at 9.00 after walking in the door 5 minutes earlier, with a total of 20 mins in breaks all day.
I’m always, ALWAYS, “jonesing” for something to do with blogging or blogs.
Jonesing is a new addition to my vocabulary. It’s an expression someone used in relation to my liking for setting up new blogs some time ago, and I love it, so these days I’m always jonesing..apparently!
Is this not what life is for?
Doing the things that make you smile, be it work, or blogging, or trawling, or even “jonesing”?
If and when someone can give me a reason that I should slow down {other than the obvious age bullshit} then I may, just MAY, consider it.
We moved to Townsville for a lifestyle change. A step back from the responsibility of being a national or state manager, even just a branch manager, with a multitude of staff below looking for direction.
It didn’t work.
It wasn’t enough.
Guess where we both are again?
Yep, bosses. Managers. Responsibility is back in the vocabulary, being called sir and ma’am is back, as is the pace involved with all of the above.
I knew, within 12 months of being here, I wanted to go back into management. Mark took a little longer, but I knew all the same.
I love the challenge, the pace. I love everything about it.
I bounce out of bed every morning with a mind full of plans, and smile on my face.
Life is for living and doing the things able to give you that deep seated, satisfying feeling in the centre of your heart and mind.
As tired as I am, this week has given me exactly the feelings I describe.
And I couldn’t be happier about it.
You’re a bloody long time dead.
That’s when I’ll sleep.

The portacot project

anonymum — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 02:06:22 +0000

When we had family here in September, there was need for a portacot given we had 2 littlies in the house.
Anyhow, Mel bought hers in, Tasha set it up and all was well.
It was set up in the spare room where it was needed, and this is a room we don’t use on a daily basis, so there was no hurry to fold it down and put it back in it’s carry bag.
Enter a friend returning from W.A after being there for 2 years. He needs somewhere to stay, and of course, being friends, were the first to offer somewhere to put his head until he got himself sorted.
Here for a week to 10 days, then off down south for Christmas, and he returned on Friday night.
Let’s set the scene here. Stay with me ok?
Mark is a very intelligent person, of that there is no doubt. He’s a sparky by trade, can turn his hand to anything that needs fixng, well educated, sharp as tack. Been a manager for years. I’m sure you get the picture?
Our friend, also named Mark is equally as intelligent. This man is a senior shot firer for the mines. In short, he blows shit up! Works with explosives, can calculate complicated formulas to bring down whatever needs to come down, and do it very efficiently, all in a well organised, systematic way.
2 very intelligent men yes?
This morning we decided TOM {the other Mark} should have maximum use of his room so he can set up his computer on the desk and make the bedroom his own private space.
Enter one portacot that needs folding down and storing.
I shit you not, I have never seen such a performance in my life!
Here we have 2 of THE most intelligent men I’ve ever had the good fortune to encounter, and this porta cot had them flumoxxed. 100% flumoxxed!
They had NFI what needed to be done, how to do it or even where to start.
First they stood and looked at it for all of 30 secs, discussed how to go about the task, then decided to apply male logic to it.
“No worries! She’ll be right mate! We can do this! We’re smart guys right??”
Now, I’ve heard people refer to male logic as an urban myth.
After this morning, I believe them wholeheartedly!!
Of course it stands to reason that these 2 KNEW how to do it {according to them that’s just logical!!}
I should have gotten photos, I know, you don’t need to say anything.
I merely stood there with a stunned expression on my face while watching 2 grown men fight, literally fight, with this damned thing.
They turned it upside down, around about 3 times, stood back, looked some more, turned it upside down again {because of course, so much would have changed since the LAST time they turned it upside down – all of 40 secs earlier!!} and STILL it stood ready to be used.

I ask you a couple of questions at this point.
How long to get this damned thing folded down?
Answer: 20 mins!!
How many times did I offer to ring Mel and see if she could swing by and do it for them?
Answer: at least 5 times!!
How many times did I get asked, do you know how to do this?
Answer: the same amount of times I answered in the negative…8!!
All this while turning it upside down, around and almost inside out in an attempt to make it comply!!
Needless to say, by the time they worked it out, I was almost hysterical with laughter at the confused, why the fuck can we not work this out look they had on their faces.
All this confusion was not helped by the comments from the peanut gallery {MOI!!}
“2 grown, intelligent, I can fix anything men, being fucked over by a portacot!!”
“Do you know how funny this is guys? Watching the 2 of you turn redder in the face by the second in pure frustration at NOT being able to do it??”
“I can ring Mel and ask if you want??”
“You know Mel and Tash can put these things up AND down with their eyes closed right???”
I think it was the last one that made them more determined than anything.
I mean hell! There’s no way 1 man could possibly admit women are better at some things than men, let alone 2 now is there????
Not too sure about you, but my weekend has been full of laughter, and the week to come will be spattered with the odd crack about portacots now and then!!
It’s gonna be a hoot!!
Now don’t you other boys be feeling sorry for them cos I’m making fun of it either! They had numerous offers to get it done properly and they refused them because it’s logical isn’t it???

I stolded a meme

anonymum — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 00:24:06 +0000

Annie did this meme.
Now, ordinarily I’m not into memes, but after a couple of happenings last year, one of my girls made a comment about them not really knowing me as a person as opposed to their mother, so when I spotted this I thought it was a good opportunity to perhaps get a little of me out there.
Now, when I say “me” I mean “me”. Not Anonymum, Moe, nothing but Maureen.
{that being said, the daughter in question had best be commenting!!}
That you guys get to learn a little as well is good too. But don’t be getting too used to the human side of me. I do have an image to uphold you know!
:wink:
Having said that, if there is anything else you want to know, you have but to ask. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say so.
Righto, let’s get this show on the road shall we?
1. Were you named after anyone? Yes, my mothers youngest sister. Maureen is her middle name.
2. When was the last time you cried? Christmas day. For all the right reasons
3. What is your favourite lunch meat? Cold meat loaf
4. Do you have kids? Yes, 5 girls, and feel sorry for me here. Imagine that melting pot of hormones should they all be in the one place at the one time!! That’s some scary shit let me say!!
5. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Absolutely. I’m not easy to befriend, but once you have I’m loyal to a fault, no matter what
6. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Well duh!!! Not only am I female, I’m Australian!
7. Do you still have your tonsils? No, and nor do I have my appendix either, just fyi
8. Would you bungee jump? When hell freezes over and even then it would be doubtful
9. What is your favourite cereal? I don’t eat a lot of cereal, but if I had to choose it would be porridge with honey
10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Always
11. Do you think you are strong God yes! I’ve had to be, for most of my adult life. I’m the one they all turn to for strength when things turn to shit. Becomes quite wearing after a while, but we do what we must
12. What is your favourite ice cream? Other than vanilla with raspberries? Old English toffee
13. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes
14. Red or pink? Red
15. What is the least favourite thing about yourself? My skin. I have THE worst skin in the world
16. Who do you miss the most? This was hard, so I refuse to choose. My Grandad and my Mum, not neccesarily in that order.
17. What colour shoes are you wearing? Currently barefooted
18. What was the last thing you ate? Beef rendang
19. What are you listening to right now? Fox sports
20. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? A mixture of them all. Anything other than a colour that is even the tiniest bit like fucking beige!!!!
21. Favourite smells? Fresh cut grass, rain, jasmine, puppies breath, Mark and Angel {the only perfume I ever wear}
22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Melissa
23. Favourite sports to watch? Anything other than synchronised drowning and curling {wtf is with THAT??}
24. Hair colour? Mid brown naturally, but normally with red and blonde streaks
25. Eye colour? Green with brown flecks
26. Do you wear contacts? No
27. Favourite food? Anything hot and spicy
28. Scary movies or happy endings Happy endings. The concept of willingly having the bejesus scared out of you eludes me
29. Last movie you watched? True Lies
30. What colour shirt are you wearing Khaki {my favourite of them all}
31. Summer or winter? Summer
32. Hugs or kisses? Both
33. Favourite desserts? Not a big sweet tooth, but I can’t resist pavlova at any time of the day or night
34. I’m most likely to..Give away my last 5c to someone who needs it
35. I’m least likely to..Suffer fools in any way, shape or form
36.What book are you reading now? Eragon and Cross Country {James Patterson}
37. What is on your mouse pad? I don’t have one. I use the pad on my laptop
38. What did you watch on television last night? Volcano and True Lies
39.Favourite sounds Rain on a tin roof, the ocean crashing against the shore or rocks, the laughter of my family and friends, children playing
40. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Beatles. Can’t stomach Mick Jagger and the post {zip} code meant to be his lips!
41. What is the furtherest you’ve been from home? Perth, W.A {soon to change though!!}
42. Do you have a special talent I “see” things, with startlingly accurate results. Quite scary at times.
43. Where were you born? Yallourn, Victoria. Now an open cut mine by the way