OrganiSed Chaos

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
You go along, day after day, doing the best you can and making the most of what you have.
I have no desire to know the future be it good, bad or otherwise, but there are a few little snippets I would have been happy to know about, before they happened.
So I could have been prepared, if you know what I mean?
Here are a few of them.
Grey pubic hairs!
FFS, the cultural shock of finding one is an experience I would have been more than happy to pass on!
After 45 no matter how hard you try not to, you are going to put on weight.
Ok, it may not be a lot, but it’s still there!
Begone you foul beast!!! If you keep this up, my arse will need a post code all of it’s own!!
Your tolerance level for arse hats, fuck wits and morons hits lower than rock bottom.
Whilst some see this as a good thing, there are others, like me, who already had a low tolerance level for the aforementioned species of people, so I’m a little concerned about the results should it go any lower!
Whilst controlling my bladder has never been an issue for me, it seems in the last few years it’s capacity has lessened.
What other explanation is there for the 2 trips to the loo throughout the night, even when I don’t drink anything in the 2 hours before I retire?
Getting out of a comfortable lounge chair becomes a challenge as big as scaling a freaking mountain.
It seems as if every bone in your body is protesting at the monumental request you’ve made, and it’s not letting you know about said protest in a non confrontational manner.
The need to have lists for everything from shopping to what you need to do on any particular day.
I’m dreading the night I feel the need to put a note next to my bed in order to be reminded I have to go to work in the morning.
Nightmare scenario that one is!!
These are merely a few of the things my late 40’s and early 50’s have bought quite unexpectedly.
There are many, many more, but I though it only polite to leave some for others who are brave enough to let us know their little unexpected surprises as they move towards being older.
Please note I said older, NOT old!
Your turn….

Indeed, the time has come when we make a small attempt to brighten your lives with a little giggle, or, if we’re lucky, a damned good belly laugh.
This week I have a small joke for you in honour of that wonderous time of year we know as Christmas.
Stay with me here, it may not seem like it’s a Christmas joke, but all will be revealed in the fullness of time.
I found a little Christmas image for you as well.
It made me smile and hopefully it will make you do the same.
Once you’re done here wander over and see my co conspirators in Mark, ~m and Muffy for some more Monday mirth.
Boobs and Willies
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’
The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, a woman goes through three
Phases. In her 20s, a woman’s boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions’.
‘Onions?’
‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, ‘Mom, how
Many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?’
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through Three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree’.
‘A Christmas tree?’
‘Yes — dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.’

Yes, after a week’s absence, that madness we refer to as Malarky Monday is back in an attempt to tickle your little funny bones.
I had a bit of a trawl on Youtube in an effort to find this video.
I’ve known of it for some time, and at one stage had it, but somehow managed to lose it.
How one loses a video is beyond me, but I managed it.
Anyhow, the video in question has me in fits every time I hear it because it appeals to my sick sense of humour.
It’s been called the greatest prank call of all time, and I must admit, I tend to agree.
Even if you’ve heard it before, listen again, because after all, the idea of terrorising a telemarketer is a thought that I’m sure all of us can relate to, and to have a laugh on one of those little bottom feeders can only be a good thing.
The bastards terrorise us all the time, and payback is a bitch.
Gotta love karma hey??
After you’ve had a giggle here, wander on over to Mark and ~m for some more fun to start the week.

I’ve been conspicuously absent from the blogosphere this week, I know.
I was supposed to do a Tuesday post, which is done, but here it is Monday {again} already, and it never got published.
{sorry Lolly}
It’s been end of month at work, house guests have been in residence and I’ve all of a sudden lost a week!
Sheesh!
Wednesday is another day however, so there is hope for me yet!
In the mean time, it’s Malarky Monday time.
My internet hero is Maxine.
She makes sense to me.
Calls it as she sees it, and is as funny as hell.
Being the fan I am, I decided to go looking for some classic Maxine, and I was quite successful, as you will see below.
There are reasons for the ones I selected.
It was a long week the last one, and most nights I felt every single second of my 52 years.
The first one is for my American friends, with whom I have an enormous alliance, and as they know, have almost as great a love of their country as I do my own, so if it worries you, imagine an Aussie flag in there ok?
The computer one is quite appropriate too, given my absence.
So, please, enjoy, and once you’ve had a giggle here, don’t forget to visit my Monday Malraky cohorts in Mark, ~m and Muffy.
All 3 will have some little snippets for your amusement as well.
Have a great week, and I’ll be back on Wednesday.

Anonypop sent me this via email…thank you sweetie..

I’ll have to find a replacement for the “fog blodder” he’s been sending once he starts his own wont i?? :-)

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink a young woman came and sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and said “Are you a real cowboy?” He replied “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring horses & calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy” She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I watch TV I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think about women”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked “Are you a real cowboy?” He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian”

I want to know who proof read this article…whoever it was didn’t think too hard about the statement made in the second paragraph. Given the nature of the story you would think someone may have thought to change the wording???
Unless it’s a strange way of saying they were “fornicating” as they so quaintly put it further on in the story, (if indeed that’s what it refers to…)

Hot spot

It’s a shocker :shock: