OrganiSed Chaos » feelings

Questions

anonymum — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:50:13 +0000

I found my head in a familiar place today.

Full of questions, confusion and dismay.

I apologise in advance for this post, because it’s not going to be specific or pointed.

It will seem like a dogs breakfast, but that’s just how my head is.

Life is a strange thing.

Until early this morning, my most pressing question was wondering when the hell I’m ever going to be done with breeding the 5 animals of each species I need to progress in a Facebook game.

Now, not so much.

When I turned the breakfast show on , I found the news to be full of Australia giving our highest honour to the president of Indonesia, Lara Bingle and her nude photo scandal and more tripe than I’ve heard in the last 5 years combined, and that’s when it occurred to me.

I’m over it.

Seriously over it.

There are real people in the world with real problems and I can’t be arsed with the crap that’s served up as “important” anymore.

My head today has been {and is still} with people who have more on their plates than they should have, and who never complain.

They just do what needs to be done for those who need doing it without a whimper.

They accept their lot in life and still manage to find time for others.

They slug their guts out day in and day out to make a life, and still can’t get a break.

WTF is with that?

Why is it always the good people who cop the worst of it?

*sigh*

Life is so damned unfair sometimes, and as much as I love it, there are days when I hate it too.

Like I warned you it would be.

A dogs breakfast…..

Give the Muslim a medal

anonymum — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:41:33 +0000

I didn’t want to leave it till Monday to post again, but had NFI what to post because my brain is a soggy mess after this week.
EOM and all that shit tends to make me feel like I’ve done a few rounds in the boxing ring with someone 87 times my size is the problem.
Anyhow, I was trawling through the 000’s of unread items in my news folder just now and found what I though was a great little story.
Let me preface this by saying I’m the least racist person in the world.
Yes, I’m opinionated, loud, and at times obnoxious, but at the same time I’m ordinarily non racist.
Live and let live I say.
Your beliefs are different to mine, I don’t give a damn, just don’t try and shove it down my throat, but don’t send suicide bombers or planes into places that will kill innocents either.
That kind if of pisses me off and gives me a somewhat disenchanted view of your beliefs.
Having said that, if there were more of these types of people in your religion, I could be tempted to take a little more notice of you.
Thought I would leave this up for the weekend, and I’ll be back with Malarky Monday…on Monday!
Have a fabulous weekend people.

Stella’s fairy

anonymum — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 13:21:56 +0000

Little Miss Stella has been in hospital for 10 days, much to everyone’s dismay.
What started as a temperature due to an infection in her knee joint has morphed into 2 operations, an IV for antibiotics, painkillers, regular blood tests, and now, a blood transfusion.
When I’m troubled, worried, or distressed, or if something comes from deep inside me, I use fairies.
This fairy is for a very precious little girl.
We don’t see a lot of Tasha’s 4 children, but we were lucky enough to spend a week with them at Christmas.
Inside 5 minutes this little minx had wrapped us around her little finger.
She is not the apple of her mothers eye.
Oh no!
In her mothers words “She’s the whole bloody tree”
The youngest of 4, and the only girl.
An unexpected little girl in a family of boys, and oh so very, very loved.
This fairy is to keep her safe, help her heal, send her home to her loving parents and brothers, and to put this trying time behind her.
Tash has been beside her every step of the way, and the strength she has shown is nothing less than remarkable, and makes me swell with pride.
To see another of my daughters go through hell with one of their children has me sleepless, restless and decidedly difficult to get along with.
Being so far away is very difficult, and I’ve had to fight the urge to fly down.
With Mel it was different.
I could be there and hold her when she needed to be held, soothe if I could and give her a shoulder to lean on.
Not this time.
Maybe with the posting of Stella’s fairy, sleep will come, fairy dust will surround this precious little girl and hopefully some magic will help her, and her mother, along?
I pray it does.

Someone should have warned me

anonymum — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 20:48:57 +0000

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
You go along, day after day, doing the best you can and making the most of what you have.
I have no desire to know the future be it good, bad or otherwise, but there are a few little snippets I would have been happy to know about, before they happened.
So I could have been prepared, if you know what I mean?
Here are a few of them.
Grey pubic hairs!
FFS, the cultural shock of finding one is an experience I would have been more than happy to pass on!
After 45 no matter how hard you try not to, you are going to put on weight.
Ok, it may not be a lot, but it’s still there!
Begone you foul beast!!! If you keep this up, my arse will need a post code all of it’s own!!
Your tolerance level for arse hats, fuck wits and morons hits lower than rock bottom.
Whilst some see this as a good thing, there are others, like me, who already had a low tolerance level for the aforementioned species of people, so I’m a little concerned about the results should it go any lower!
Whilst controlling my bladder has never been an issue for me, it seems in the last few years it’s capacity has lessened.
What other explanation is there for the 2 trips to the loo throughout the night, even when I don’t drink anything in the 2 hours before I retire?
Getting out of a comfortable lounge chair becomes a challenge as big as scaling a freaking mountain.
It seems as if every bone in your body is protesting at the monumental request you’ve made, and it’s not letting you know about said protest in a non confrontational manner.
The need to have lists for everything from shopping to what you need to do on any particular day.
I’m dreading the night I feel the need to put a note next to my bed in order to be reminded I have to go to work in the morning.
Nightmare scenario that one is!!
These are merely a few of the things my late 40’s and early 50’s have bought quite unexpectedly.
There are many, many more, but I though it only polite to leave some for others who are brave enough to let us know their little unexpected surprises as they move towards being older.
Please note I said older, NOT old!
Your turn….

Wandering

anonymum — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 22:33:29 +0000

As the new year begins, I’m sure many people look forward to better things than the year just gone had to offer.
Hope envelopes them with that sweet feeling only hope can create, making them all warm and fuzzy inside, buoyed at the thought of life being gentle, and easier.
I’ll admit I tend to do the same and rarely look back, however at this time of year I become reflective and take the odd walk down memory lane.
When I think about the year that was, it’s mostly with fondness and a smile, as opposed to anything else.
2009 bought much for us.
The bulk of it was good, with only a few little speed humps to traverse.
There were highs and lows, but that’s life isn’t it?
I’m realistic enough to admit my life was never meant be smooth sailing from beginning to end.
Yes, there were times last year when all I wanted was to go to bed and not wake up, but they were few and far between.
In general, I look for the polish on life.
Others tend to turn things over, and around, looking for the tarnish, however I see little to be gained by doing that.
Some of the highlights from this year were welcoming a new grandson in Lucas, taking our first trip overseas to discover some of the most amazing people you could ever wish to meet, Mark {finally} getting the promotion he worked so damned hard for, me getting my job under some semblance of control, and with the year being rounded out by close to the best Christmas we could have asked for.
Among those highlights were the odd worries.
Lucas had problems with his kidney which gave us some sleepless nights, the trip overseas, as good as it was, proved to be decidedly disappointing in some ways, we had an atrocious 6 weeks before Mark got the promotion, I nearly resigned my job before it came good, and Christmas could have been better had we manged to get all the girls and kids together, but do you know what?
None of those things matter, because the good outweighed the bad in every single case, and the end result of them all, was just what we wanted.
Lucas is now fine and has no need for a specialist until next year, and then it’s only to check things are as good as they currently are.
The trip overseas gave us more than we ever thought we could get from 2 weeks, and the disappointment was, as it transpired, quite unimportant compared to the gain.
Mark now has the job he wanted and is thriving in it.
My job is just what I thought it could be once I got my head around it {and the staff that gave me so much grief are now working well and with me as opposed to against me}
Christmas was fabulous regardless of not having them all with us, because we got to see and spoil those we rarely see and rarely get to spoil.
On the radio yesterday there was some twit holding forth about the terrible year that was.
Death and destruction, bush fires, floods, devastation worldwide in some cases.
And he’s right, there was.
But there were many, many good things that happened as well.
As with my year, for every bad thing that happened, there was a positive that had the bad fading.
In the coming year, when life hands you a gold coin, enjoy it!
Don’t turn it over looking for the tarnish, just enjoy it.
Deal with the bad when it gets there, sure, but don’t look for it.
You may get a pleasant surprise and never have a bad part to deal with.

If that’s Christmas, we’ve had it

anonymum — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:07:36 +0000

So Christmas 2009 is done and dusted.
We had a good one.
Went and did Santa with the part of the family we weren’t spending it with before we left, and made 2 children very, very happy, plus delivered a very special teddy bear, to a very special little boy, from some very special friends.
On the plane the next day to see those we see far too little of in normal times.
Santa came to Mark and I throughout the year, so we didn’t do the present thing for each other.
Between a trip to America {which included a Christmas in July}, a new laptop and flights down south we figured we were out close to 20k, so we decided being together with family was enough for us this year.
Given we’re also going back to America this coming July as well, we thought that would add to the booty we already have/had!
Sounded like a plan to us anyway.

We will hold in our memories and hearts both the brilliant time we had in July and the wonderful time we had watching 5 of our 8 grandchildren rip open their presents on Christmas morning, and the priceless gift of being grandparents to those same 5, who we don’t get to spoil very often, and then of course there was a madcap Skype call!!

It was fabulous to see my Dad too.
I’ve not seen him in close to 3 years, so as you can well imagine I enjoyed the few short hours we had.
With Christmas out of the way, my mind turns to the New Year, and what awaits us.
First and foremost, for me anyway, will be a new blog name and tagline, plus a new theme to play with.
That will happen at midnight on December 31st.
The New year for me heralds a new beginning and a whole year to enjoy life and whatever it has to offer as I thank the stars I’m alive with a wonderful husband and family to share it with.
Work holds much before the end of February with 3 stock takes to be done, and all that after end of half year.
Hmmm. Thinking about it that way makes me wonder if I need to add another vitamin to my morning collection??
Could be an idea.
Before the end of December we have little miss Zoe’s birthday {tomorrow actually} Caleb is in early January, as is Isaac, and it also sees a good friend have a birthday, so I’m sure there will be some mayhem to create there!

February will see Mark and blondies birthday {on the same day} Wil’s, March has us into Sarah, Stella, Kelly’s and Steve’s birthday, April will bring Melissa’s, May is mine, our anniversary and Mother’s day all within a week of each other.
Mid June sees Lucas turn 1, then on top of that I’ll have end of financial year at the end of June, then we’ll be on the plane to Boston in mid July, so before we know it half the year will be gone again!
Scares the bejesus out of me when I think about it that way, but that’s life I guess?
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
Time is a predator.
It waits for nothing and noone.
It stalks us until it decides there is none left for us, one by one.
Other than the new blog name, I don’t think there will be another post before the new year, so I will take the opportunity to wish everyone the best for 2010, and I hope all your dreams come true.
I’ll try to do the rounds before then, however make no promises other than I will do my best.
I hope your Christmas was everything you wished for, and that Santa was good to you with nothing less than you all deserved.

Relentless pursuit

anonymum — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:11:45 +0000

As Christmas approaches with startling speed, a thought occurs to me.
Time pursues us all.
It seems intent upon having it’s way with us, and generally does.
At not one point in our lives are we free of this relentless pursuit.
From when we’re babies and time dictates when we eat, sleep and play, it continues through our entire existence.
It seems as if I blinked since doing a post on Monday, and here it is Wednesday night, already.
2 days.
Gone.
Yes, I’ve achieved an enormous amount at work because it’s needed to be done, and that’s what I’m paid to do.
In the wake of that, what about the emails that remain unanswered, the posts done by others that I’ve been remiss in commenting on, unanswered text messages, the cooking I wanted to do, the swim I wanted to have?
None of the things that matter to me have been achieved because time is my enemy.
And an enemy it is.
It flies by, we get older by the minute, and life is moving at a pace that is quite bewildering.
None of us have the time we want to do the things we want because we’re so busy making a living, we seem short of the time required to have a life.
What’s to be gained by working so hard if the time it takes is responsible for the weariness that seems to permeate every single fibre of my being and makes it an effort to do anything else?
It takes me away from those I care most about, makes me short tempered and cranky.
My concern is time having the better of me and I won’t have achieved a half of what I want to this week, let alone in my life.
Some would say it’s bad time management as opposed to anything else, but I would beg to differ.
I’m bloody well organised.
I clean the shower before I get out of a morning, make lunches as I prepare breakfasts, do dishes as we use them, run a quick broom over the floor every morning to save time on weekends, plan ahead, yet still I feel as if I’m in the middle of en endless circle that makes me dizzier by the minute.
{Seemingly} yesterday we were planning a trip overseas, and yet daily we speak of the trip to come in less time than a human gestational period.
Time, time, time.
Everything we do is dictated by time, almost every sentence has that word in it.
Time.
It pursues us relentlessly.
It never ends does it?

Overlooked is right

anonymum — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:19:21 +0000

I’m stunned, shocked, horrified.
You name it, that’s where my head is.
Any system that can let this happen is in some serious trouble, as are any people within that system.
For an idea of what I’m on about, read this.
The understatement of the year goes to NSW Minister for Community Services Linda Burney who said this.
“…the girl’s case had been overlooked by a “stretched” department”
“It is true, in my view, that DoCS should have intervened more strenuously than what they did,” Ms Burney
Do ya think Lindy????
This is the brains trust running a department to protect children and the community??
God help us all.

Persistence

anonymum — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:43:07 +0000

There are times in everybody’s life, when life itself becomes too much.
The effort to get out of bed and face another day is a task bigger than Mt Everest.
Much is happening in our lives at the moment, and it’s neither good, nor rosy, and it’s not even comfortable.
Yet, in true human spirit, I persist, and continue to get out of bed, every single day.
Day.
After.
Day.
We do what we must in order to make something of our lives, just to survive, do we not?
I’ve had many hard knocks in my life, some worse than others obviously, but none of what I speak of were easy at the time.
Still, I survived.
It’s what we do.
Human nature, being what it is, ensures our survival instinct is the strongest of all, no matter how low our mood, or the events happening at any given point in time.
Our instinct to survive in the face of adversity or whatever troubles us, is so strong, it sustains us through any dark tunnel we find ourselves in, and more often than not, gives us a far better appreciation of the good times when we manage to find the sunshine.
In the absence of darkness, how does one see what the light has to offer?
The old adage of what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger is 150% accurate.
I’ve always needed to be strong, for many reasons and for many people, and ordinarily I bounce back quickly.
I just don’t stay down for long.
Not seriously anyway.
Resilience is a wonderful thing and stands me in good stead most of the time.
Having said that, the days when I need to make an effort are, seemingly, becoming more frequent.
Of late I find it difficult getting my head to a place where I can dismiss the crap as beatable {is that even a word??}
Maybe I’m getting old, or I’m simply tired of adversity and problems?
Perhaps I’m over having to be strong?
Most days it seems like 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
Yet, I persist.
It’s just what we do…..

Such intensity

anonymum — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:00:24 +0000

I understand that life is quite the serious business.
When I say that, it’s meant just as it sounds.
It’s not tongue in cheek, nor is there any humor intended in it, as much as it may seem otherwise.
I mean, think about it.
The alternative is death, and whilst we all know it comes to each of us, it’s not something many people look forward to is it?
{As an aside to this post, I will say my belief is that the thought of death is probably far worse than the actual event itself.
Really, what more is death than a permanent loss of consciousness?
We’re not going to know we’re dead are we?
It does however, disturb me that people may be upset at my demise}
I digress.
Again!
Sorry.
Where was I?
Oh yes!
Whilst I acknowledge that life is quite serious, I want to know when living became the same way?
When I was a kid, living was far less serious than it appears to be these days.
Perhaps it only seemed so because I saw it through the eyes of a child as opposed to an adult who has been around the block a few times, or with a child’s optimism, and through those rose coloured glasses all babies are {seemingly} equipped with at birth?
Surely life is for living?
In recent weeks here in Australia there have been some “interesting” items hit the headlines.
Now if I was a good blogger, I would give you links, but it’s late and I need to get these thoughts out of my head before I lose them, so that train has left the station I’m afraid.
It seems the fun police have taken hold of variety shows and want to put a halt to that great Aussie tradition of taking the piss out of anyone and everyone {including ourselves probably} because Harry Connick Jnr took offence to a skit about Michael Jackson, and Australia has now been branded a racist country all around the world.
On this morning’s breakfast show, people are complaining because somewhere down south, some little people had the nerve to say “Yes, we’ll play jockey and jump on others people’s backs so they can race down the straight at the local horse track, because it looks like fun”
On the same show, there was a report of some people, who apparently have more time than they know what to do with, and they did a study that concluded children under the age of 2 shouldn’t watch television lest it affect their development, and if that’s not enough, once they’re over 2, don’t let them watch more than an hour a day.
This is but a small selection too.
There are many, many more.
My concern is that people are becoming so damned intense about life that they’re forgetting to actually live.
What is life for, if not to live?
When will people stop worrying about what “might” happen if they do this or that, and worry about what “is” happening, here and now?
When will the so called “evolved thinking” people lighten the fuck up, and let people actually live, as opposed to bombarding them with do’s, don’t’s and doom and bloody gloom, so that we can all have a life as opposed to an existence?
Who died and made some of these so called experts, God?
At what point did some elements of society become a bunch of opinionated, whinging, whining, hairy arm pitted, chardonnay drinking, tree hugging twerps that seem to have balls the size of sultanas?
Perhaps I’m getting old and cranky, because these days, every time I hear some “expert” on the TV or radio holding forth {in that freaking nasal tone which seems to be par for course these days} about the newest theory, or study, on what people “need to do” or “what’s good for them”, my immediate thought is life was a lot less intense, and much more fun 40 years ago.
I guess I’m meant to be grateful for the people with all this fabulous advice that I’ve manged to live without for all these years.
How the hell did I manage to get all the way to 52 without them?
*sigh*
Life is for living, not just existing.
Maybe I should have just posted that line?
Would have saved some time in my existence I suppose.