OrganiSed Chaos » family

Peace of mind

anonymum — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 23:46:33 +0000

This is doubtlessly obscure for many, however, those involved will know, and from where I sit, that’s enough.

For some time life on both work and personal levels has been odd.
It’s not been horrendous, but it’s not been right either.
Disjointed comes immediately to mind if I was to describe the feeling in a single word.
It’s not been just one thing though, it’s more the culmination of several situations, both professionally and personally.
The things I speak of have created uncertainty, dismay, bewilderment, pain and a feeling of helplessness due mainly to them being out of our control, and a dependency on others.
Yes, we’ve had 2 brilliant holidays, our health is good and we’ve had many, many good things happen, but these have always had shadows on them.
While these shadows haven’t tarnished the good things, there has been some looking over our shoulders and wondering where it would all end.
I’m pleased to say, this week much has been resolved on all levels.
On the personal side of the coin, events have not only surprised us, they have also bought a level of contentment, an inner peace, smiles, and tears.
At work, much uncertainty has been removed, many more things are clear in our future and we can see much of what life will have to offer in that regard.
We can now move forward with a purpose in both environments.
Where previously we were struggling to see beyond dark clouds stretching endlessly, now the sky is clear and blue with the promise of only better things to come.
To those who are aware of these things, I know you will be discreet in your comments.
For others, be happy and smile for us?
It’s rare in my life I’ve been free of at least one situation guaranteed to create a dark spot.
As I write today, I can say there’s not one to be seen.
My hope is it will stay that way, but even if it doesn’t, I’ll always be able to look back to today and smile.
Peace of mind is something we all desire, and I have every intention of embracing it while it’s there.
I have high hopes of being able to embrace it for quite some time too.
Can you hear the contented sigh?
I’m thinking you can, because it’s quite emphatic.
I hope your weekend has been as kind to you as mine has to me.
Enjoy what you have left of it as I intend to enjoy mine.

Beacons

anonymum — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 00:05:08 +0000

Of late my mind is quite strange.
I can hear some people saying this is perfectly normal for me, to them I would say screw you, that’s not what I mean and you know it!

I’m referring not so much to my state of mind, but rather how it’s been going off on it’s own little tangents without any warning.
Today it’s firmly entrenched in what I refer to as life altering times.
Moments of clarity which stay with you forever, and have the ability to change your entire life or the way you think, whether you want to or not.
These are moments that force changes, sometimes good, others not so good.
I’ll admit life is in a constant state of change for most people, and in that respect, I’m no different.
I am grateful that as a person I’m able to adapt to these things.
If we couldn’t adapt, we would drown in life itself I believe.
I’ve had many moments of clarity in my life, and every one of those moments is as clear today as the day they happened, so I thought to share just a few of the most important ones with you.
These are not in chronological order, they’re more in one of impact.
Obviously, the very first thing that comes to mind is the death of my mother.
There are few events in a 13 year old’s life which would have the impact this did.
Her death set off a chain of events that essentially shaped the rest of my life, because I can assure you, as a female, growing from a teenager to an adult without a mother to guide you is at best, difficult.
You have noone to point you in the right direction, nor anyone to advise you what’s right and wrong morally or physically, so the chance of making mistakes is higher than average.
My biggest regret, other than the obvious loss, is doubtlessly missing out on seeing her with my children and in turn, their children.
Enough said on that one I think.
Second in line is another death, that of my grandfather.
Although I only had him for a short time {6 1/2 years} it was long enough to create a bond that has, in my heart, lasted to today, and in fact I can still conjure the feeling of safety he engendered in me.
Yes I’ll freely admit, I miss him badly even though he’s been gone for 46 years {that’s absolutely the little girl talking there isn’t it??}
My father remarrying so early after the death of my mother {6 months later} is once again, an event that helped shape the rest of my life.
I refuse to go into details, suffice to say at {many} times, it’s been a decidedly unpleasant scenario, one which continues even today and still impacts on the relationship I have with my father.
It goes without saying the births of my children were 100% life altering, and again, still effects my life every single day, but in a good way, as I’m sure every parent would agree it does.
As a parent, we see our children as our babies, regardless of age, however, if you seriously want to see them as adults, watch them give birth.
Mark and I were privileged to be present when Zoe was born, and in fact I cut her cord, but I can assure you, it is not something I am in any hurry to repeat!
My pride in seeing how Kelly dealt with childbirth knows no bounds, however it was a moment of clarity like no other.
No more could I ever think of her as a girl.
She was, from that moment forward, without doubt, a woman.
Yes, she is still my little girl in some ways because they always need their mother {as did I many times through my life} but she’s not my little girl any more.
Quite contradictory I know, but truthful all the same.
It was no different other than the geography when Tasha and Melissa became mothers.
No more were they my babies.
With babies of their own, they were no longer apprentice people as I see young adults.
They were fully fledged.
I believe watching our children grow presents most of our life altering times.
It gives us an insight into how our parents felt watching us grow, and it it also gives us a greater appreciation of what our parents did in times which were not easy by today’s standards, and in some cases, the sacrifices they made.
In my adult life, besides the girls becoming mothers, the one thing that stands out head and shoulders above everything else is the day I met Mark.
I can recall every single detail and word from that day almost 16 years ago.
You want to talk about life altering, well let me tell you, I cannot begin to describe the difference it’s made to my life.
The good that has come from not only meeting, but marrying him?
Not possible to list them all here.
He is my sun, moon and stars and I love him beyond reason, no matter what.
Other things that come to mind are far away people I’ve met in recent years.
I credit these people with many positive things in my life as well.
A new way of thinking, seeing and believing are but some of the off shoots, and again, I couldn’t begin to tell you the ways this has shaped my life of late.
There have been more but the ones I have here are the big ones, those which have had the biggest impact.
Feel free to voice some of the beacons in your life, but please don’t feel obligated.
To speak of these things is not easy as I well know, but my mind has been rampant with them lately, and I needed to get them out there in the hope it will silence my mind.
I hope your weekend is treating you as well as mine is being to me.

Passage of time

anonymum — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 01:27:58 +0000

Does anyone else find their mind set changing as they age?
Over time I find many things different.
The blog is the very first one that comes to mind.
I know it’s had several make overs, but that’s not what I’m referring to.
It began as somewhere to have fun, curse, swear, get up on my soap box and generally run amuck, which is what I used to do.
These days, not so much.
Overall the tone has changed.
There is less swearing, less ranting, and yes, I’ll admit there is less posting as well, but I think we all know about the trying to find a life thing {let me add here, it is doing some good too}
My posts these days seem less frantic, come from deeper than they used to, are more controlled and far better written {well I think so anyway, and that’s what counts I guess}
My attitude towards many things has changed too.
Certainly my thoughts and tolerance level for idiots or morons haven’t changed,and I’m still inclined to tell them exactly what they are, but many other things seem different in my minds eye.
When I say that, I refer to what now seems silly things.
Happenings and scenarios seemingly designed to drive me insane no longer bother me.
At all.
I shrug and say, whatever.
It’s more difficult to anger, upset or annoy me.
Some things will never change, I know.
For instance I still see no need for ignorance, arrogance or bad manners, but those are, I think, universal and not unique to an individual because they’re sociological issues.
I mean more {what are now} trivial matters.
No longer does it matter how the towels are folded, the washing goes on the line, no more colour coordinating pegs with clothes {yes, i really did do that!!!} tea towels and pillow slips don’t need to be ironed, if I miss doing a few dishes, the roof does not cave in, and when someone says “I need to talk to you” I no longer think “Shit, what did I do???” I’m more inclined to look forward to what they have to say.
These are but a few of the scenarios that would, at one time not so long ago, have driven me mad!
I can still be pedantic in the kitchen because there are right and wrong ways to do things, at times I still have the odd flare of temper, but the difference now is I lean towards being a little more understanding of how people do or say things.
I’m absolutely no less sensitive to some words or things said and done to me, but I’m less likely to crack it when they’re said or done.
Maybe it’s something that happens with age?
I’m not suggesting I’ve turned into an old fogey, don’t get me wrong, but I do have a theory in relation to this phenomenon.
With the passage of time, our priorities shift and we realise what’s really important in life.
Time spent with family and friends is 100% the best way to spend your time.
Sure, you need to work in order to live, but your hours outside work shouldn’t be consumed by how the house looks, or whether the doona on the bed is wrinkled {another of my little previous hissing fit scenarios}
If I fancy going to the club for a beer, sitting on FB all day or even watching a Harry Potter marathon, I do it.
I’m more relaxed, content and less fretful over a million and one things.
Often I bemoan the passage of time.
When it comes to the little things I refer to, I’m pleased the time has woven some sort of magic in my head, because I like being the way I am these days.
It’s far less stressful I can assure you.

Comfort in silence

anonymum — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:41:45 +0000

So we’re home.
In some ways that’s a good thing, in others, not so good.
There is much running rampant in my head as I type.
So much to say, yet I struggle to verbalise my true feelings.
The last 3 weeks have been a total blur of good food, lots of fun, laughter, some fabulous places visited, deep discussions about many things, and the odd bout of tears, but mostly it’s simply been good friends enjoying each others company.
There were moments of silence now and then, with noone feeling any need to fill them with inane chatter and it was those moments when it would hit me exactly how comfortable we all were with each other.
It also brought to the surface a raft of questions as to how it became what it is, between people from opposite sides of the world.
As is my way, I chose not to question it too closely.
I for one find comfort in silence, whether I’m with others or alone.
Silence surrounds me as I do this post, and thus the reason for rampant thoughts.
Silence has a way of making me reflect on not only life, but how good it’s been to me in so very many ways.
It gives me time to be grateful for the many blessings I have, and for the wonderful people it’s bought me.
Immediately after those thoughts comes the realisation that this is what it’s all about.
The people.
Life isn’t about the material possessions or money you accumulate in your time, it’s about the quality of the people you encounter.
How many people do you know measure the success of their lives in material and financial gains?
Off the top of my head, without even thinking about it, I would say at least a dozen.
The same people I refer to are driven to enhance their lives with “things”.
I’m not much into “things”.
What means the most to me are gifts from the heart, and I bought many of them back from Boston with me yesterday.
An extra special silver tin is one that comes immediately to mind.
I worked out a long time ago that money doesn’t make you happy, it merely makes your passage through life easier.
The things that make you content simply cannot be bought.
Yes, you need to work in order to enjoy some of those things, but in my mind that only helps you appreciate them more.
How do you put a price on good friends and the quality time you spend with them?
You can’t.
Try and put a price on the comfortable silence I speak of.
You can’t.
Tell me the worth of a gift given purely through love.
I repeat. You can’t.
Yes, there is indeed much comfort to be had in silence.

From our hearts to yours

anonymum — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 20:30:30 +0000

As the sun sets on our time in Boston, much occurs to me.
The arrival was bumpy and emotional, our time here brilliant, the departure tearful and emotional.
Nothing more and nothing less than we thought it would be.
Although this post was done and scheduled before we left, I knew what the departure was going to be before we even got here.
As we did last year, we would have clung to each other long and hard.
Tears were flowing, and turning away from you all to go through that damned gate would have been one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do.
All these things we knew before we even left Australia.
We know we’ll be back, we know we’ll see you in a year, but knowing these things doesn’t prepare any of us for the actual going.
Michael and Pamela, we thank you deeply for not only your hospitality, and the willingness you displayed to accommodate us, we also thank you for the love you so willingly shared with us.
Your home is warm, welcoming, loving and embracing, because it’s the way the people who live there are.
I could write 150 paragraphs and it still would not express the way we feel or what these things mean to us.
I have a feeling you both know all the same though.
Every single thing we did and said is a seperate memory which will last forever, from good meals, to the time in NH, to the late night laughs on your back deck.
Each of these are forever in our hearts and minds to be used as required when we’re missing you.
Knowing Mark and I as I do, let me assure you, that will be not only frequently, but more likely daily.
I have no idea what plan the universe had in mind when it decided we were to cross paths, but I do know it was a good thing.
An absolutely wonderful thing, and one that is meant to be cherished every time we have the opportunity.
To Sarah, Jenna, and Hannah also goes much love.
Once again, your willingness to share your parents in the most unselfish way possible is appreciated more than I can say.
Please know we see the 3 of you as part of our extended family, and we’re as proud of our adopted daughters as we are of our born ones.
Jon, your company was delightful also. I only wish there had been more time to spend with you, because I’m sure there is much more fun we could have.
To the 6 of you, a deep thank you is being said all the way from Boston to Townsville.
From our hearts to yours, again we thank you, and please remember.
We love you all very much and look forward with much anticipation to the next time we can be together.
Fly our Aussies flags high and proud until we come back will you please?
Hannah, look after your hat!

{{{hugs for you all}}}
Moe and Mark

Inaccessible

anonymum — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 02:00:55 +0000

As I laze on the back deck of some very special friends, it occurs to me just how relaxed both Mark and I are.
Not once have we spoken about work, home, problems, or indeed anything close to serious, stressful or problematic.
We’re content to stay home and putter around the house, him doing a few bits and pieces, me cooking now and again.
Neither of us are in a hurry to say or do anything, go anywhere other than where and when it takes our fancy, if it takes our fancy.
I appreciate this is what holidays are for, though having said that, the next thought I have makes me wonder why it is we need to travel 10,000k’s in order to achieve this level of relaxation.
Is life so bad on a day to day basis that we feel need to run away as far as we can?
Immediately the answer comes to me, and it’s no.
We have a good life, a brilliant family, fabulous friends and enough money to enjoy all of these things regardless of distance.
Being so far away is the key we decided.
We’re inaccessible to the things that can derail our holidays.
If anything goes wrong at work, when we’re on leave, if we’re at home, or even in Australia, we’re still accessible should we be needed.
Here we’re not.
Sure they can send an email or a text, but there is literally no chance of being called in to work.
Whilst it may sound ridiculous, in the positions we hold, it’s more than possible we can be called back to fix, sort or make sense of something considered managements responsibility.
As we’re both management, it’s certainly not beyond the realms of possibility and we both know that.
I know there is always family to consider, but I can guarantee you, there is not one of them who would consider asking us to go home early short of a major disaster {God forbid!}
Besides, we try hard to stay accessible to them anyway, be it by email, text message or even FB messages should we need to.
Inaccessible?
To work yes, to home, never.
P.S This post took the better part of all day to do because I needed a 3 hour nap in between doing it.
This from someone who never naps.
Relaxed much do you think??

Forward journey

anonymum — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 18:56:44 +0000

The day we left, our alarm went off at 4.00am.
As much as I was looking forward to this trip, I need to say no matter how much you want something, 4.00am is a feral time to hear an alarm!
Knowing our entire journey was dependent upon the 6.00am flight out of Townsville found me sleeping fitfully for fear of sleeping in however, and whilst I was excited to be going, I was tired before we left the house.
God bless adrenalin though, and it kept me going.
We arrived in Brisbane with plenty of time for our flight to LA, and when we found out our bags had been checked all the way to Boston, it gave us a little lift knowing we had only to collect them before we went through customs in LA, then drop them on the luggage transfer belt just outside that area.
As we discovered last year, lugging cases around LAX is not a lot of fun.
First thing on the agenda was duty free shopping.
The most important thing on that list was OP Bundy rum for Pam.
If we’d arrived in Boston without it, I’m not convinced she wouldn’t have sent us back to Oz to get some!
{kidding Pam, kidding!!}

Rum in hand, we went for coffee to await our boarding call.
Fast forward through the 13 hours flight here.
It was long, it was boring, it seemed to take forever.
Little sleep, but on the positive side, the food was as good as it was last year.
Landed in LA spot on time.
US immigration was the same efficient friendly experience we had last year, as were customs, and the bonus was we didn’t have to wait an hour and a half for our luggage.
We were in!
Once the rum was packed in our checked luggage {you’re not allowed to take liquids on domestic flight in the states} it was duly put on the transfer belt, and that was the last we saw of until our destination.
Not a long wait, only a few hours.
Text messages sent, messages left on answering machines, time for coffee and something to eat.
Once we boarded for Boston, we were informed we would have need to sit on the tarmac {engines off} for approx 45 minutes because there was a bit of a build up of departures.
Are you shitting me??? You didn’t know what time these flights were supposed to take off for like the last freaking month???
My head told me patience, and common sense told me all we could do was wait it out.
FF again, to 120 miles out of Boston.
We were put in a holding pattern until further notice because there was a huge storm they didn’t want to descend through.
Getting less happy by the minute here.
6 times we lined up to land, flaps and landing gear down, only to circle out over the water and go back into the damned pattern.
By now, we were over it.
We wanted to be on the ground and off the plane.
Looking out the window at once stage, there was a huge bolt of forked lighting less than 200 metres off the wing.
Oh yeah!
I wanted to be on the ground.
All good things come to those who wait however, and some 60 minutes after our scheduled arrival time, we eventually landed at Logan having traversed a somewhat turbulent descent.
I almost kissed the ground!
Disembarking was reasonably quick, so inside less than 5 mins we were walking through the aerobridge and into the arrivals lounge to find 3 beaming faces waiting for us.
Never have I been so pleased to not only be somewhere, but to see people I’d been missing more than I can say for nearly a year.
Hannah’s face had a huge grin, Pam’s was wider and Michael just smiled indulgently and waited his turn to greet us.
Welcomes were said, hugs were had, and tears were cried.
By all of us.
Luggage was reasonably quick again, car was located, and we were off.
Driving out to the burbs seemed to take less time than I thought it would, and before we knew it, we were there, out of the car and home.
Yes, home.
The back deck I remembered fondly, the firepit waiting to be used, and a kitchen that seemingly envelopes us in it’s warm embrace.
Oh yes, we were home again, and damn it felt good.

Off centre

anonymum — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 01:30:03 +0000

By the time anyone reads this post, we’ll be on the other side of the world.
After 13 hours just getting to America, there would have been another 4 1/2 hour wait, at which point we will have hopped a flight to Boston where we had people waiting to greet us.
These are people who were just as anxious to have us there, as we were to be there.
We already knew that before we left.
It’s funny.
When Michael and I first floated the idea of Mark and I going over to meet he and Pam, some people {read Mark and Pam} thought we were nuts.
Both freely admit, yes, the thoughts they had at that point were along the lines of their respective spouses having lost the plot.
Since that first tentative conversation though, much has changed.
They have wholeheartedly embraced what is a unique, very, very special friendship, and one which was conceived, and has thrived, amidst this strange thing millions of people do.
Blogging.
It’s also one I knew instinctively would be very special if only everyone involved were prepared to give it a chance.
They were, and as it transpires, I was right.
Now, I know there are people who thought we were quite deranged when we told them why we were trekking to the other side of the world last July, and that whilst these days some may understand a little, and others a lot, I also know there is still an element who will never change their mind because they just don’t get it.
Looking back on that, it occurs to me that I don’t really care if they get it or not, because we do, and there’s the most important thing.
We get it.
The next 3 weeks will be full of fun, laughter, fabulous food, alcohol {of course!} even better company, and there will be many tears too, we all know that.
Whilst it may sound strange for me to say those words given the circumstances, anyone who knows the people involved here will not be surprised to hear me say it.
We have much to look forward to, including but not limited to some time away in New Hampshire, a late lunch at one of Bostons best seafood restaurants to celebrate the beginning of Michael and Pam’s holiday time {including a car to and from the house} plus a 100 other little things we have on our to do list.
Let me tell you, there are no words to describe the time we’ll spend around the fire pit in their back yard either.
Some nights will almost be a religious experience if last year is anything to go by.
Nothing creates atmosphere and encourages bonding like good friends, a fire pit and copious amounts of damned good alcohol.
Add to this enough good food to feed a small 3rd world country and the result is simple.
A holiday destined to be forever in our hearts and minds.
Do you know, to live off centre, as Mark and I seemingly do, is something we can choose, or not.
For us it’s a good thing, and in my mind it’s also a way to seperate ourselves from the pack.
To be individuals.
Besides, if we didn’t choose the path we have, our lives would be lacking a friendship which transcends not only geography, but logic, and it’s something we love having in our lives, so to try and imagine not having it is quite disturbing.
Sometimes you just need to trust the universe, and now and then the results can be quite amazing.
Such is the case here.
My next post will be done from the back deck of a couple of very good friends of ours, and you’ll be able to find me on Facebook too, if you know where to look.
Yes, there will be pics as well.
Promise!

Finally, the pic at the top of this post?
Boston Common.
It’s just one of many places we fell in love with last year, and one we’re quite anxious to revisit.

Checking in

anonymum — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:59:06 +0000

So I have this checklist, and the time has come to make sure all my little ducks are in a row.

Flights Townsville to Brisbane return – check
Flights Brisbane to Boston return – check
Visas – check
Passports valid for at least 3 months – check
Travel insurance – check
Contact bank to ensure they know there will be transactions in Nth America for 3 weeks – check
House sitter – check
Gifts – check {with a couple of small surprises}
Game of Celebrity Head – check
Boxing kangaroo flag – check
Recipes – check
Vegemite – check {getting Tim Tams today. Tim Tam slams here we come!!}
Duty free shopping – yet to come, but I can assure you, it is certainly on my list {can’t forget the Bundy can we??}
**Mental note…FFS Moe, remember to pay the power bill before you leave!! There’s a disaster waiting to happen if ever I heard one. Could someone please nudge me around Thursday??? I could be a little distracted by then, if for no other reason than I’ll be trying to keep myself in my own skin!!**

We have yet to pack, but that won’t take too long.
Being wiser and more street smart this time around we won’t be taking nearly as much as we did last year.
If we find we’re short of clothes or anything else, we’ll buy whatever it is over there.
Everything, and I mean everything, is so much cheaper it’s quite astounding, so why take it with us is my question.
If needs be we can buy another bag to bring anything extra back with us.

It would seem that a little less than a week out from leaving, all is in order and we’ve been quite efficient in bringing it together.
Having said that, I look back on my list and it doesn’t seem all that big given it’s taken a year to make it happen!
I’ll be scarce around the blogs for the next few days as I wind down at work and take care of any little last minute details that may arise {read jump up and bite me on the arse!}
I do have a post scheduled for late in the week, but…well, you’ll see {and NO peeking ~m!}

Brace yourself Boston, an Aussie assault is just around the corner.
Please fasten your seat belt and ensure your seat and tray table are in the upright position in readiness for take off…

Feeling little

anonymum — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 07:42:50 +0000

Last weekend we went out to Mel and Steve’s so Mark could do some much overdue electrical work for them.
I knew before we went that Mel was full of a head cold, but me, being me, thought I’d be fine, which I was.
Until today.
Enter the sore throat, raging temperature and swollen glands!
I had to come home from work, that’s how bad I feel.
It’s the damned temperature that’s killing me.
I can live with rest of it, but the temperature drives me insane!
I visited the chemist on the way home and I’m now armed with the following:
Vitamin C
Vitamin B
Odorless garlic tablets
and last, but not least, day and night cold and flu tablets.
I’ve threatened Mel with dire consequences when I see her, because of all the times of the year, there could not be a worse time than now to get sick.
Not only do we have 21 hours of flying in front of us in just over 3 weeks, but it’s end of financial year, I have a stock take to finalise and a million other things to do before we leave so things are just *so* for my manager while I’m away, because she’s coming up to do my job for me.
I want my office pristine the day I finish, just because nothing else is acceptable to me.
I have all of 14 working days to do all of these things, plus my normal everyday stuff to cope with.
As I type I have sweat running between crevices I’d forgotten exist, and I hate it!
I’ve dosed myself up, and have hot tea beside me, so there is little else I can do.
Other than those aforementioned dire things to she who gave it to me that is.
We’re off to their place Friday night for Lucas’s 1st birthday party and I’m taking either a profiterole cake or a pav with me, so I may just have to spit on her piece before she eats it!
Now, if anyone tries to take advantage of me while I’m feeling little, be warned.
If you try it on, I’ll grow big again quicker than you can wipe my snotty nose with a tissue!
I am *not* a happy camper when I’m unwell, and trust me, the whole world knows it.
Just ask my poor, long suffering husband