OrganiSed Chaos » Faith

Beacons

anonymum — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 00:05:08 +0000

Of late my mind is quite strange.
I can hear some people saying this is perfectly normal for me, to them I would say screw you, that’s not what I mean and you know it!

I’m referring not so much to my state of mind, but rather how it’s been going off on it’s own little tangents without any warning.
Today it’s firmly entrenched in what I refer to as life altering times.
Moments of clarity which stay with you forever, and have the ability to change your entire life or the way you think, whether you want to or not.
These are moments that force changes, sometimes good, others not so good.
I’ll admit life is in a constant state of change for most people, and in that respect, I’m no different.
I am grateful that as a person I’m able to adapt to these things.
If we couldn’t adapt, we would drown in life itself I believe.
I’ve had many moments of clarity in my life, and every one of those moments is as clear today as the day they happened, so I thought to share just a few of the most important ones with you.
These are not in chronological order, they’re more in one of impact.
Obviously, the very first thing that comes to mind is the death of my mother.
There are few events in a 13 year old’s life which would have the impact this did.
Her death set off a chain of events that essentially shaped the rest of my life, because I can assure you, as a female, growing from a teenager to an adult without a mother to guide you is at best, difficult.
You have noone to point you in the right direction, nor anyone to advise you what’s right and wrong morally or physically, so the chance of making mistakes is higher than average.
My biggest regret, other than the obvious loss, is doubtlessly missing out on seeing her with my children and in turn, their children.
Enough said on that one I think.
Second in line is another death, that of my grandfather.
Although I only had him for a short time {6 1/2 years} it was long enough to create a bond that has, in my heart, lasted to today, and in fact I can still conjure the feeling of safety he engendered in me.
Yes I’ll freely admit, I miss him badly even though he’s been gone for 46 years {that’s absolutely the little girl talking there isn’t it??}
My father remarrying so early after the death of my mother {6 months later} is once again, an event that helped shape the rest of my life.
I refuse to go into details, suffice to say at {many} times, it’s been a decidedly unpleasant scenario, one which continues even today and still impacts on the relationship I have with my father.
It goes without saying the births of my children were 100% life altering, and again, still effects my life every single day, but in a good way, as I’m sure every parent would agree it does.
As a parent, we see our children as our babies, regardless of age, however, if you seriously want to see them as adults, watch them give birth.
Mark and I were privileged to be present when Zoe was born, and in fact I cut her cord, but I can assure you, it is not something I am in any hurry to repeat!
My pride in seeing how Kelly dealt with childbirth knows no bounds, however it was a moment of clarity like no other.
No more could I ever think of her as a girl.
She was, from that moment forward, without doubt, a woman.
Yes, she is still my little girl in some ways because they always need their mother {as did I many times through my life} but she’s not my little girl any more.
Quite contradictory I know, but truthful all the same.
It was no different other than the geography when Tasha and Melissa became mothers.
No more were they my babies.
With babies of their own, they were no longer apprentice people as I see young adults.
They were fully fledged.
I believe watching our children grow presents most of our life altering times.
It gives us an insight into how our parents felt watching us grow, and it it also gives us a greater appreciation of what our parents did in times which were not easy by today’s standards, and in some cases, the sacrifices they made.
In my adult life, besides the girls becoming mothers, the one thing that stands out head and shoulders above everything else is the day I met Mark.
I can recall every single detail and word from that day almost 16 years ago.
You want to talk about life altering, well let me tell you, I cannot begin to describe the difference it’s made to my life.
The good that has come from not only meeting, but marrying him?
Not possible to list them all here.
He is my sun, moon and stars and I love him beyond reason, no matter what.
Other things that come to mind are far away people I’ve met in recent years.
I credit these people with many positive things in my life as well.
A new way of thinking, seeing and believing are but some of the off shoots, and again, I couldn’t begin to tell you the ways this has shaped my life of late.
There have been more but the ones I have here are the big ones, those which have had the biggest impact.
Feel free to voice some of the beacons in your life, but please don’t feel obligated.
To speak of these things is not easy as I well know, but my mind has been rampant with them lately, and I needed to get them out there in the hope it will silence my mind.
I hope your weekend is treating you as well as mine is being to me.

Off centre

anonymum — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 01:30:03 +0000

By the time anyone reads this post, we’ll be on the other side of the world.
After 13 hours just getting to America, there would have been another 4 1/2 hour wait, at which point we will have hopped a flight to Boston where we had people waiting to greet us.
These are people who were just as anxious to have us there, as we were to be there.
We already knew that before we left.
It’s funny.
When Michael and I first floated the idea of Mark and I going over to meet he and Pam, some people {read Mark and Pam} thought we were nuts.
Both freely admit, yes, the thoughts they had at that point were along the lines of their respective spouses having lost the plot.
Since that first tentative conversation though, much has changed.
They have wholeheartedly embraced what is a unique, very, very special friendship, and one which was conceived, and has thrived, amidst this strange thing millions of people do.
Blogging.
It’s also one I knew instinctively would be very special if only everyone involved were prepared to give it a chance.
They were, and as it transpires, I was right.
Now, I know there are people who thought we were quite deranged when we told them why we were trekking to the other side of the world last July, and that whilst these days some may understand a little, and others a lot, I also know there is still an element who will never change their mind because they just don’t get it.
Looking back on that, it occurs to me that I don’t really care if they get it or not, because we do, and there’s the most important thing.
We get it.
The next 3 weeks will be full of fun, laughter, fabulous food, alcohol {of course!} even better company, and there will be many tears too, we all know that.
Whilst it may sound strange for me to say those words given the circumstances, anyone who knows the people involved here will not be surprised to hear me say it.
We have much to look forward to, including but not limited to some time away in New Hampshire, a late lunch at one of Bostons best seafood restaurants to celebrate the beginning of Michael and Pam’s holiday time {including a car to and from the house} plus a 100 other little things we have on our to do list.
Let me tell you, there are no words to describe the time we’ll spend around the fire pit in their back yard either.
Some nights will almost be a religious experience if last year is anything to go by.
Nothing creates atmosphere and encourages bonding like good friends, a fire pit and copious amounts of damned good alcohol.
Add to this enough good food to feed a small 3rd world country and the result is simple.
A holiday destined to be forever in our hearts and minds.
Do you know, to live off centre, as Mark and I seemingly do, is something we can choose, or not.
For us it’s a good thing, and in my mind it’s also a way to seperate ourselves from the pack.
To be individuals.
Besides, if we didn’t choose the path we have, our lives would be lacking a friendship which transcends not only geography, but logic, and it’s something we love having in our lives, so to try and imagine not having it is quite disturbing.
Sometimes you just need to trust the universe, and now and then the results can be quite amazing.
Such is the case here.
My next post will be done from the back deck of a couple of very good friends of ours, and you’ll be able to find me on Facebook too, if you know where to look.
Yes, there will be pics as well.
Promise!

Finally, the pic at the top of this post?
Boston Common.
It’s just one of many places we fell in love with last year, and one we’re quite anxious to revisit.

How???

anonymum — Fri, 21 May 2010 23:49:53 +0000

My last post evoked little response, but those who did comment were quite succinct in what they had to say.
A new visitor here deemed the letter writer to be as bad as those she was criticizing, a regular reader responded with an opposite view.
I have no problem with either point of view, and in fact can see both sides of the coin.
To me, this is what blogging is about.
The coming together of different people, with different opinions and ideas, and the balls to get out there and say it, even when they know their opinion isn’t going to be the most popular one around.
It’s the interaction I enjoy, and I particularly enjoy it when those commenting interact with each other as well.
Without different opinions and beliefs the world would be a much less interesting place I think.
I’m not one to be backwards in coming forwards should I disagree with someone, as anyone who knows me would realise.
There are some things I’m quite narrow minded on I’ll admit, but that’s a discussion for another day because the reasons are quite convoluted in relation to those things, and I have neither the time nor the inclination at this point.
Ordinarily, it’s a case of, whilst I may not agree with what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it.
However.
There are subjects that can evoke some passionate discussions, and the subject matter of my last post is one of them.
Terrorism and how to deal with it.
A comment was made that there are other ways to fight it besides lowering ourselves to their level.
My question is, how??
How do you fight something you can’t see until it affects you, kills a loved one, or even 2996 innocent people?
How could 9/11 have been avoided when there was little indication of what was to come that day?
{I know there are conspiracy theories regarding this, but that’s also a discussion for another day}
If it had been foreseen, what could have been done to avoid it, if not violence?
Mail a letter {send a camel courier} to Bin Laden, asking him not to do it?
Tell him we could educate him in “our” ways and thus he could see the error of “his” ways??
How do you educate a person who thinks his is the only way of life, or his beliefs are the only ones worth having?
A person {and I use the term loosely} who has no respect for human life?
Someone who doesn’t have the same values we do, or seemingly, any respect for anything and anyone other than himself and his God?
Nowhere in the Koran does it say murder is acceptable, but, clearly, those such as this despot, interpret it that way.
It’s also been said letters such as the one I posted adds fuel to the hate all Muslims fire.
Let me assure you, there are many, many reasons, that many, many non Muslims, hate Muslims, and letters are the very least of it.
It’s their attitude that makes me not particularly inclined to liking a lot of them.
I’ve been called a white slut, white trash, and actually been spat on in my own country because I’m out in public, on my own and {apparently} indecently dressed.
Let me summarise that little snippet for you.
These are people who left their country, for a better life in my country, then have the audacity to tell me I’m living the wrong way and I should live according to the ways they’ve left behind, and believe the things they do, thus creating a clone of the country they left behind?
Please, spare me the bullshit!
By all means, come to my country and live any way you choose, believe anything you choose, but..DO NOT tell ME, I have to live according to YOUR rules and believe in the things you do, or be fearful of the consequences.
I will not.
Do NOT bring your hatred of my ways and my beliefs to my shores amidst threats of death and violence should I dare to say I don’t agree with your values and your beliefs.
I will never, in 100 years understand your lack of respect for life, the way you expect women to be 2nd class citizens and publicly stone them to death because a man claims they were unfaithful {regardless of a lack of evidence mind you}
Let me remind you, these are people who complain about the way countries like Australia and America handle human rights at the same time as committing these atrocities.
I will never understand how you could believe the murder of 2996 innocent people was Allah’s retribution for the infidels, and I will NEVER, EVER believe the same things you do.
Does that make you wrong?
No.
Does it makes what happens in the name of your religion wrong?
Absobloodylutely it does, and nothing you or anyone else can say, will ever convince me otherwise.
I openly admit at this point there are thousands upon thousands upon thousand of Muslims around the world who are horrified by what has been done in the name if Allah, and I feel for them.
They need to stand up and show the rest of the world not all Muslims are like this.
But they don’t.
There’s that question again.
Why?
Why do you not make an effort to prove not all of your religion are like this?
Let me guess.
Those in your religion who are like this, make threats against you?
Even their own are not safe with these radicals.
I’ll ask one more time.
How the hell do you educate someone who has tunnel vision and doesn’t want to be educated?
What do you suggest we fight with?
Words?
I’m not convinced they’re going to be quite the defence we need against rocket launchers, planes being used as missiles and people with explosives strapped to their bodies, all who are intent upon cleansing the world of non believers.

Here I will make a point.
I am not painting all Muslims with the same brush.
Many of them are wonderful peace loving people.
I’ve worked with them, and I have some who are friends.
This is not a hate campaign, it’s an opinion.
I’ve edited to add this small piece here because I’ve deleted, and spammed, 9 hate comments, already.
Did it ever occur to any of you that all you achieve by leaving me crap is to reinforce what I’ve said?

Give the Muslim a medal

anonymum — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:41:33 +0000

I didn’t want to leave it till Monday to post again, but had NFI what to post because my brain is a soggy mess after this week.
EOM and all that shit tends to make me feel like I’ve done a few rounds in the boxing ring with someone 87 times my size is the problem.
Anyhow, I was trawling through the 000′s of unread items in my news folder just now and found what I though was a great little story.
Let me preface this by saying I’m the least racist person in the world.
Yes, I’m opinionated, loud, and at times obnoxious, but at the same time I’m ordinarily non racist.
Live and let live I say.
Your beliefs are different to mine, I don’t give a damn, just don’t try and shove it down my throat, but don’t send suicide bombers or planes into places that will kill innocents either.
That kind if of pisses me off and gives me a somewhat disenchanted view of your beliefs.
Having said that, if there were more of these types of people in your religion, I could be tempted to take a little more notice of you.
Thought I would leave this up for the weekend, and I’ll be back with Malarky Monday…on Monday!
Have a fabulous weekend people.

Wandering

anonymum — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 22:33:29 +0000

As the new year begins, I’m sure many people look forward to better things than the year just gone had to offer.
Hope envelopes them with that sweet feeling only hope can create, making them all warm and fuzzy inside, buoyed at the thought of life being gentle, and easier.
I’ll admit I tend to do the same and rarely look back, however at this time of year I become reflective and take the odd walk down memory lane.
When I think about the year that was, it’s mostly with fondness and a smile, as opposed to anything else.
2009 bought much for us.
The bulk of it was good, with only a few little speed humps to traverse.
There were highs and lows, but that’s life isn’t it?
I’m realistic enough to admit my life was never meant be smooth sailing from beginning to end.
Yes, there were times last year when all I wanted was to go to bed and not wake up, but they were few and far between.
In general, I look for the polish on life.
Others tend to turn things over, and around, looking for the tarnish, however I see little to be gained by doing that.
Some of the highlights from this year were welcoming a new grandson in Lucas, taking our first trip overseas to discover some of the most amazing people you could ever wish to meet, Mark {finally} getting the promotion he worked so damned hard for, me getting my job under some semblance of control, and with the year being rounded out by close to the best Christmas we could have asked for.
Among those highlights were the odd worries.
Lucas had problems with his kidney which gave us some sleepless nights, the trip overseas, as good as it was, proved to be decidedly disappointing in some ways, we had an atrocious 6 weeks before Mark got the promotion, I nearly resigned my job before it came good, and Christmas could have been better had we manged to get all the girls and kids together, but do you know what?
None of those things matter, because the good outweighed the bad in every single case, and the end result of them all, was just what we wanted.
Lucas is now fine and has no need for a specialist until next year, and then it’s only to check things are as good as they currently are.
The trip overseas gave us more than we ever thought we could get from 2 weeks, and the disappointment was, as it transpired, quite unimportant compared to the gain.
Mark now has the job he wanted and is thriving in it.
My job is just what I thought it could be once I got my head around it {and the staff that gave me so much grief are now working well and with me as opposed to against me}
Christmas was fabulous regardless of not having them all with us, because we got to see and spoil those we rarely see and rarely get to spoil.
On the radio yesterday there was some twit holding forth about the terrible year that was.
Death and destruction, bush fires, floods, devastation worldwide in some cases.
And he’s right, there was.
But there were many, many good things that happened as well.
As with my year, for every bad thing that happened, there was a positive that had the bad fading.
In the coming year, when life hands you a gold coin, enjoy it!
Don’t turn it over looking for the tarnish, just enjoy it.
Deal with the bad when it gets there, sure, but don’t look for it.
You may get a pleasant surprise and never have a bad part to deal with.

Christmas past

anonymum — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 23:07:57 +0000

As we hurtle towards Christmas, my mind, as it generally does, has gone into reflection mode.
It turns to times when all was well within my world, there were no family arguments, nor was the phrase “dysfunctional family” coined.
A time when family was first and foremost, no matter what.
Everyone was talking to everyone else, and whilst disagreements may have occurred throughout the year, we would always forgive and forget when Christmas rolled around.
In the true spirit of the season, anything from the previous 12 months was buried amidst our love for one another.
Goodwill abounded and, in the interests of seeing people we care about happy, forgiveness was rife.
Family came together as one, regardless of any perceived, or real, transgressions that had been visited upon one another since the previous year.
Slightly ashamed looks may be seen, heartfelt apologies made, and there were sometimes many, many tears, but there was not a recrimination to be seen. They were banished from the house.
I was bought up to believe that family must come first, and they must stick together.
I was also taught that whilst some things may seem unforgivable at the time, every dog deserves a second chance.
Maybe not a 3rd one, but absolutely a 2nd one.
As I grow older, I realise there is little point in carrying something on forever, because one day, the people involved {be it me, you or someone else} will be gone.
With their passing, also gone will be the opportunity to tell that person how much you loved them, regardless of how it may have seemed at times.
Without going into detail, know that I have first hand experience regarding these things.
Very close first hand experience.
I’ve been the one to make the first move when needed, and it’s quite the pleasant feeling to know I did the right thing.
Trust me on this.
Don’t let too many Christmas’s go past before you realise what someone means to you, and that whatever happened isn’t really that big a deal, no matter how bad you think it was.
You never know how many Christmas’s you have left to do it.
Besides, is Christmas not about a birth?
A birth is a new beginning, so there really is no better time, surely?

{Trying to} Ignore the madness

anonymum — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:25:28 +0000

It’s only the middle of November, and already the madness has begun.
Starts happening earlier every year, I know, but hey, when there’s a buck to be made, money grubbing retailers have no scruples, we all know that.
Ads are rife already.
They tell us what children need under the tree, and let me add, it was decided many months ago, what is in for Christmas this year.
Ordinarily, what’s in has a price tag that could feed a 3rd world country for 6 months.
Apparently kids have got to receive it under the tree, or their lives will be forever ruined and in post Christmas months, parents will be forking out for therapy bills the size of a national debt, because the children will feel ~~depraved~~ deprived.
Amidst the madness, why we actually have Christmas is lost, that’s the sad part.
I’m not an overly religious person, but the meaning behind Christmas is certainly not lost on me, not by anyone’s standards.
This year we’re going to Victoria.
We’ll spend 5 days with family we don’t see nearly enough of, we’ll eat, drink and be merry, but before we go I have things to do, and buy.
Yes, we’ll leave presents behind for those we’re not spending the holidays with, but there are other presents to buy as well.
For many, many years, I’ve bought gifts for people less fortunate than us, and I put them under the Wishing Tree, and in fact, until about 3 years ago, Mark didn’t even know I do it.
As our family has been blessed, and grown with grandchildren, the amount of gifts I put under the tree has also grown.
For every grandchild we have, I put a present under the tree.
This year there are 8 presents to be bought and wrapped.
Our grandchildren are lucky to have been born into a close knit {albeit somewhat disfunctional} family, and are surrounded by people who love and cherish them, but many are not so lucky as we all know.
Before we board our plane on December 23rd, I will have purchased the following gifts.
2 for 9 year old girls
1 for a 7 year old boy
2 for 6 year old boys
1 for an almost 3 year old boy
1 for an almost 2 year old girl
1 for a baby boy, a year or less old
I have no idea of who they will go to, but I’ll buy them all the same.
These gifts will be nothing like what’s in this year, nor will they cost a squillion dollars, but I can tell you this.
They will go to children far less fortunate than our grandchildren.
Children who don’t have the advantages every child should have.
Children who were born without the choices I know our grandchildren will have as they grow, and born to parents who are either unable, or unwilling, to do what should be done for every child born.
To me, it’s things like we do every year that Christmas is about.
Thinking of those less fortunate, and making an effort to brighten their lives just a little.
Whilst I detest the commercialisation of Christmas, the thought of any child having nothing on the day, breaks my heart.
Every child deserves at least one gift, even if it’s only a teddy bear.
I tell you this not to have people say “Good on you Maureen!!” but in the hope that they will remember what Christmas is about.
A celebration of life and family and a time to reflect on how lucky some {read Mark and I} are in comparison to many.
As uncharitable as it may be to say this, the retailers can go to hell and shove their what’s in this year gifts clean up their arse, because I want none of it.
I’m trying hard to ignore the madness and merely do what I’ve always done.
Enjoy our family and be bloody grateful for exactly how lucky we are with the family and friends we have, because it’s these people that make the day as good as it can get.
That’s what Christmas is about.
It’s got nothing to do with the garbage sprouted by slimey money grubbing retailers, nor has it got anything to do with how much you spend.
It’s about what you do, and appreciating what, and who, you have in your life, and being grateful for them.
I’m more blessed than I could ever have imagined I would be, and I appreciate it more than I can ever say.
I can but hope there are 8 kids who’s Christmas will be brightened just a little this year too.

Persistence

anonymum — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:43:07 +0000

There are times in everybody’s life, when life itself becomes too much.
The effort to get out of bed and face another day is a task bigger than Mt Everest.
Much is happening in our lives at the moment, and it’s neither good, nor rosy, and it’s not even comfortable.
Yet, in true human spirit, I persist, and continue to get out of bed, every single day.
Day.
After.
Day.
We do what we must in order to make something of our lives, just to survive, do we not?
I’ve had many hard knocks in my life, some worse than others obviously, but none of what I speak of were easy at the time.
Still, I survived.
It’s what we do.
Human nature, being what it is, ensures our survival instinct is the strongest of all, no matter how low our mood, or the events happening at any given point in time.
Our instinct to survive in the face of adversity or whatever troubles us, is so strong, it sustains us through any dark tunnel we find ourselves in, and more often than not, gives us a far better appreciation of the good times when we manage to find the sunshine.
In the absence of darkness, how does one see what the light has to offer?
The old adage of what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger is 150% accurate.
I’ve always needed to be strong, for many reasons and for many people, and ordinarily I bounce back quickly.
I just don’t stay down for long.
Not seriously anyway.
Resilience is a wonderful thing and stands me in good stead most of the time.
Having said that, the days when I need to make an effort are, seemingly, becoming more frequent.
Of late I find it difficult getting my head to a place where I can dismiss the crap as beatable {is that even a word??}
Maybe I’m getting old, or I’m simply tired of adversity and problems?
Perhaps I’m over having to be strong?
Most days it seems like 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
Yet, I persist.
It’s just what we do…..

What a little trooper!

anonymum — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 08:41:38 +0000

How good is this baby?
Major surgery on Monday, home Friday afternoon.
Damn we breed ‘em tough don’t we????
Mark has decided he’s a future flanker for the Wallabies.
{Why does that not shock me??}
Lucas was discharged today, much to Mel and Steve’s delight, and they were going to surprise the other kids when they picked them up from school too.

The whole family thank you all for the emails, texts and messages of support.
It’s been fabulous!
For your viewing pleasure, here’s a pic of the little tough nut while he was in hospital.

Have a great weekend, and keep your eyes peeled for some fun with myself and a few others on Monday.
We can all do with a laugh on Mondays, so we’ll do our best to give you one.

The Fairy of Joy

anonymum — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:11:34 +0000

I really need to get ready for work, but felt I should so a quick post for those following the trials and tribulations currently being experienced by our little boy.
It seems the Fairy of Hope and all the prayers worked, so today I have the Fairy of Joy for Mel and Steve.
Lucas has had his surgery, and all is well.
After an agonising 2 1/2 hour wait, Mel was told she could go down to recovery and see their precious little munchkin.
20 mins later he was back in his room, and whilst still feeling the affects of the anesthetic, he was ok, and that’s what counted.
What needed to be done had been done, so all was well.
They were told he wouldn’t want to feed until today, but in true fighting Aussie spirit, he proved them wrong and at around 8.30 last night, I received a text message saying he WAS feeding.
This morning I’m told he’s all smiles for his Mum, which in turn makes her smile, and helps her forget the exhausting, emotional day they had yesterday.
Cannot even begin to tell you how much we all appreciate the comments and emails we’ve received.
Mel and Steve have asked I pass on their thanks to everyone who has expressed their concern, and sent their good wishes.
They’re quite amazed at the level of support shown by everybody, but grateful all the same.
As for me, well, it’s times like these I’m reminded why blogging keeps calling me back, every time I think I’m done.
You guys are the absolute best!