OrganiSed Chaos

I want those who think the same way I do to help me find a great little country for my 50th birthday. It doesn’t have to be a big country, just enough for me, the family, any of you guys that want to come along and anyone you feel would enjoy living in a country such as this. Between our family and my blogroll alone, I can find the following skills that could be brought to this country should they choose to come (please remember these don’t include members of your family or people you know if you/they want to jump on the boat with us):

1. A cook (that would me me, I like cooking for lots, but others would also be welcome to contribute as they choose)
2. A teacher (Ev likes educating people so hopefully he’ll be willing to come to the party)
3. An electrician (A-pop has been doing electrical type things since he was 15 and can repair anything you put in front of him, so everything will always be in good repair, plus he has the tools)
4. Writers. (WC and Michael both have exceptional skills in this direction, so the teacher (see #2) would have some quality books, short stories and perhaps poetry to present to the students.)
5. A coffee maker. (Kel can make you a coffee to die for! But tea for me please sweetie) Kel could possibly double as webmistress given her skills in this direction, cos we’ll all still want to blog I’m thinking!
6. Entertainment. Zoe can keep as many people that you can find entertained with her questions for the next 20 years! Michael has a wicked voice AND plays music to boot. Great for around the fire after dinner. He is also quite knowledgeable in the area of tobacco products (the need for this will become clear in the laws)
7. Vegie grower. WC was only recently holding forth on how she loves growing things, particularly vegetables, so we’re not going to starve. (Hope you like really BIG tomatoes by the way)
8. For the criminals (this will also become clear after you read the laws) we will have the (by then) newly graduated Corrections officer in Evyl. And a damned good one too! Noone is getting away with shit while he’s around I can tell you!
9. A builder. #2 daughter chose wisely when she married. Well done sweetie
10. A nurse. #3 daughter has recently embarked on this path, is sweet, gentle and compassionate which is just what you want when you have to bear your butt for an injection.

So far so good if we can convince these people to come along

Now, onto legal matters. I don’t think we’ll need too many laws or regulations. I believe in the “KISS” principle, so some of the laws I think we should have are as follows:

1. The term “politically correct” will be illegal! Penalty for breaking this law will be to listen to every single politically incorrect term that every other person knows, every single day for the rest of your life. It will be recorded and played via an IPOD that you MUST keep on your head 24 hours a day. I have no doubt the corrections officer (see #8 in previous list) will ensure this law is enforced

2. Smoking is acceptable anywhere, at any time. It will be encouraged 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (thus the need for someone who can point us in the right direction for quality tobacco products) It is (only just) acceptable to be a non smoker, however at the first wave of a hand around smoke, or a single sigh when someone lights up, you will be locked in a room with a minimum of 4 smokers everyday, for a minimum period of 2 hours after each meal until such time as you are convinced this is a legal habit, it is our right to imbibe in a legal passtime and will in fact tell all and sundry this is the way it is.

3. Politicians will be BARRED. Zero tolerance in this respect. If, by some cataclysmic event, a politician makes his way illegally into our country, all legal inhabitants can do what they want to this scum of the earth. Nothing is too heinous for them. The bastards have been screwing us for years, and pay back will a bitch for any of them that try and work their way into our little society.

4. Noone will be higher in the pecking order than anyone else. All citizens will be equal, and as such, have equal rights to opinions. With this law you can actually say what you think without fear of some snotty nosed, bleeding heart civil libertarian telling you what you should and shouldn’t say for fear of upsetting some prissy arsed little pussy who may have a mental break down because you upset their sensibilties saying words they didn’t like or by actually calling them what they are. EG black, Chinese, Muslim or fuckwit. It will also be expected that you have the following mind set “Whilst I may not agree with your opinion, I will defend to my dying breath, your right to express it” Wars will not be required when someone has a different belief to another, however an animated debate will be encouraged

5. Money will be obsolete, so in this way all will again be equal. That way noone can think they’re better than anyone else because they have more money than the next person. This attitude is the bane of society and not required, nor wanted in our perfect place. (Not only that, with no politicians there’s no taxes which is where most of our money goes anyway!)

These are just the ones that came immediately to mind. If you have more suggestions, feel free. Everybody has an opinion around here AND in the country I speak of.

Who’s coming with me? Don’t forget friends now. They might be interested too.

Names suggestions are also encouraged by the way. Or perhaps we could just call it a Free Country?

There are differences between a friend and a best friend. This little list (borrowed, edited and added to, from one of the girls) highlights that fact in no uncertain terms.

FRIENDS: Cry with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Know why you’re crying
FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it
BEST FRIENDS: Borrow each other’s stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.
FRIENDS: Knock on your door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”
FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
BEST FRIENDS: Can’t begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.
FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, “damn…we fucked up, but that shit was fun”
FRIENDS: Laugh at you
BEST FRIENDS: Laugh with you
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd’s ass that left you.
FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn’t come.
BEST FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.
FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!
FRIENDS: Will talk about this
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh about this

I often struggle to sleep through an entire night on a regular basis, however, when I do sleep, many times I dream. Continually. They never stop from the time sleep claims me until I wake up, or so it would seem. Having done some research on dreaming, most theories are that dreams last only 5-6 minutes, others claim they are real time. If it seems you have been dreaming for an hour, they say you probably have. (Having said that it begs the question that if we’re not conscious while we’re NOT dreaming how would we tell what time had elapsed?)

When I dream, I KNOW I’m dreaming. Once awake, I always remember thinking “I don’t like this, I can just wake up because I know it’s only a dream” or “this is nice, I’ll make sure I don’t wake up because I want it to keep going” A useful tool when I’m having a nightmare, which happens regularly. Horrible nightmares, generally about family members or others I care about coming to some horrendous end or having an unspeakable fate befall them. These are the types of dreams I conciously wake my self from because I know I’m only dreaming and that I can wake myself up. During other dreams, about my mum (happening regurlarly these days), or where something extra pelasant is happening I simply make the effort to not let anything disturb me from my slumber so I can enjoy it for as long as possible. I’ve spoken to others about this, and it seems not everybody can do it! That came as a bit of a surprise I can tell you. The other thing I discoverd during these types of discussion was that not everybody dreams in colour. Many people say they’ve never really thought about it and can’t answer the question, others say they don’t have colour. Like many others, sometimes I struggle to remember what the dream was about, other times it’s as clear as if it happened while I was awake. There’s no rhyme nor reason as to which I can and can’t remember either. Some I remember are nice, some horrible and others simply leave a feeling of one or the other. The other really strange thing that happens is I know WHEN I’m going to have a nightmare. My ears roar. You read right, my ears literally roar at that point when I’m just of the verge of falling into sleep. Sometimes I can wake myself up before I fall, but many times I can’t and the nightmare begins. Then I have to go through the whole “you know it’s only a dream, wake yourself up” The process can sometimes take what seems an eternity, others it happens reasonably quickly. Quite strange I know.

I also know something that makes me dream. Are you ready for it? Pork. Yep, pork. If we have pork for dinner I know what’s going to happen when I go to sleep. I do dream at other times obviously, but when I eat pork, I KNOW i’m going to dream. The dreams in these instances are quite bizarre, and I mean bizarre! They NEVER have any continuity, are quite nonsensical, I always remember them and can’t wake myself from them. Go figure!

(At this point I would like to mention to SWMBO that you have to sleep sometime, so we’re not going to have any little ditties in the comments are we my sweet? )

Does anybody else have a dream trigger, or do any of these strange things? I’d be interested to find out. I’d also be happy if you didn’t run away screaming because you think I’m some kind of nutter

I know this post is somewhat disjointed, but it’s really hard to explain some of these things in a flowing manner….

I’m really not. But bloody hell I’m sick of being made feel like I am because I smoke. The laws here in Oz are becoming more and more ridiculous when it comes to smoking. In fact one council in Sydney are talking about making it illegal to smoke ANYWHERE in public within their limits. (Can’t wait to see them police it if it does happen!!)

Nowadays if you want to play the pokies or have a beer, you can’t smoke while you do it. Here in QLD it’s illegal to smoke in pubs, clubs and anywhere within a bull’s roar of where food is served. (I admit not having smoke around where I eat is good, but in some cases it’s totally ridiculous. I can smoke 4 metres from food but not 3.9 metres??)

I pay close to $18.00 for a pack of 50’s. Of this, almost 60% is taxes. This is jusitfied by the government saying they need to inject the funds into the health system because smokers put such a strain on it! What a load of hot cocky shit! The health system is as close to fucked as a hooker with her clothes off so where the hell is my 60% of every $18.00 I spend?? That’s right you bastard, you need a pay rise don’t you? It’s so hard to survive on 100k a fucking year isn’t it??

I’m sick to death of holier than thou do gooders trying to blame humanities health woes on smoking. If I sneeze it’s because I smoke, if I have a cold it’s because I smoke, if I have a migraine it’s because I smoke. Pimple on your butt?? Well, you DO smoke so that must be it hey? I’m surprised they didn’t try to blame smoking for the cervical cancer that tried to take me out! I’m sick to death of the wowsers who stand near you while you have a smoke in your hand and then do the whole waving of hands so the smoke doesn’t get near them or the fake coughing crap! Fucking move away! I had it in my hand when you got there, are you blind?? No, you’re not really blind, but you do look and sound like an idiot.

I’m sick to death of being told how bad it is for me. Guess what?? I KNOW it’s bad for me but this is about choice. MY CHOICE. I LIKE smoking. I know it will probably kill me eventually, but then so will life. You’re born to live and you live to die. I’m here for a good time not a long time and I intend to enjoy myself while I’m here.

Heads up for those who harp on about it (namely the government who take all my taxes every time I pay for a pack). I work, I pay taxes (in several different ways, not just one) This is my money and if I choose to spend it on cigarettes then I will. This is a legal habit! L-E-G-A-L (go get the dictionary) I’m allowed to smoke and if i want to I will. There is nothing you can say that will make me give up. Nothing. When the day comes that I don’t enjoy it, then I might think about giving it up. Until then, get off my back and leave me the fuck alone. I’m not an inconsiderate smoker, I don’t smoke in the homes or cars of those who don’t smoke, I don’t blow smoke all over others. I still ask my husband if he minds if I light a smoke at the table out the back if he’s eating for god’s sake! It doesn’t matter how hard you make it for me, I will continue to smoke regardless. If it really is as bad as you say and is weighing down the health system SO badly, then outlaw it! Ban it! Pass a law making it I-L-L-E-G-A-L (keep the dictionary handy did we???)

But if you did that you’d be missing out on billions wouldn’t you? No more pay rises in a night sitting of parliament? Not to mention putting how many thousands out of work?

Go find someone else to harass because I’ve had a gutsful of it.